Breakdown
by Katraa
Summary: After a little over a year of being together, Riku approaches the forbidden topic with his boyfriend which results in a peculiar breakup that leaves the silver haired teen in shambles. Why did Sora break his heart? .riku x sora. .cowrite: abstractXromance
1. chapter one

_Ahoy! A co-write, I spot! It's becoming clearer...it's a ...it's a co-write with abstractXromance. Ahem. I'm like on something, so excuse my random commentary. Well, I love this plot so much. Almost as much as I love the author I'm writing this with. Anywho, I've never written a story with this general direction of plot, so i'm oh so excited. As if the lovely abstract, i assume. And she would like you all to know the phrase ' moose cakes ' yes. Live by it. Take that phrase and recite it to your professors for extra credit. I.. really don't know what I'm talking about. Just enjoy this and review, please._

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**Breakdown  
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_the hardest part is letting go of something you never thought you'd lose ..._  
xx x **♥** x xx

A couch is the perfect place to make mistakes. Sora was finding this statement truer than ever as he lay below his boyfriend. Everything about the man above him was indescribably perfect. Riku's silver hair, his aquamarine eyes, and his infectious smile: perfect.

Their lips met over and over. Time stood still but felt like it was moving too quickly. Sora arched his back as Riku deepened their kiss. The brunet's body tensed as a stray hand made its way from Sora's side to the button on his pants. He tried to ignore the gesture and kept his lips locked to Riku's. His mind told him to stop—to stop while he was ahead, but his body wanted more.

_Maybe I should tell him…_ Sora thought. He mentally shook his head. _He wouldn't go that far, would he?_

Sora's mind was somewhere other than on the couch. His body was simply going through the motions as his mind raced backward. He was back in a place where he had made a horrible decision. He was thinking about the past.

A sudden jolt of pleasure brought the boy back to Earth. Back to a place where he couldn't afford to make the same mistake twice.

"Sora, I want you to be my first," Riku whispered into his boyfriend's ear.

Those words slithered into Sora's ears, pleasing his warm body. His mind raced with concern as he swallowed down a lump of nerves that he hadn't realized was there until just now. Blue eyes snapped open—when did he close them?—and he stared directly into lusty aquamarine eyes. The same sea green eyes that he had stared into for countless hours for almost an entire year. How could he possibly deny those beautiful pools now? How could he?

Yet, he had to. "Riku…" Sora said warningly. The brunet's small hands—which were far smaller than most male's—reached up and lightly curled themselves around his boyfriend's neck. "I'm…glad," he found himself saying as he lightly kissed Riku's lips, wanting the statement to just vanish.

Riku pressed back hungrily into the kiss, his hands resting squarely on Sora's hips. At any moment they would wander back down to the bothersome zipper and button. Any minute now Riku would expect Sora to be a writhing puddle of submission—and god, Sora wanted that more than anything at this moment.

"Let me take you," Riku breathed huskily into Sora's ear, nipping it seconds afterwards. The silveret's tongue traversed along the curve of the brunet's earlobe, as if trying to cause a chain reaction in Sora. Riku knew all of his boyfriend's sweet spots. He had committed them to memory and heart. They were forever etched there.

Sora stiffened in Riku's hold as Riku trailed his refined lips down Sora's tan neck. Sora released a shuddery moan from his parted lips, his blue eyes rolling upwards towards the ceiling. "R-Riku," Sora reiterated, his breath catching in his throat. "R-riku…" It wasn't a moan of his lover's name—it was a warning, and Riku caught that.

"Sora?" Riku questioned. He hardly ever heard a serious tone in Sora's voice. He was always full of love and warmth. Now, Riku could sense the cold and worry emit from his lover's body. "Sora…" he repeated as his hand moved from the hem of the brunet's pants and kissed the boy's cheek. He knew something was terribly wrong.

"I…I can't," Sora ripped his eyes from Riku's and shut them tightly. His head turned to the side as a small tear rolled down his cheek. The cheek that Riku had just kissed. "I can't do this."

Not knowing exactly what brought this realization to Sora, Riku removed himself from his position on top of his boyfriend. He sat at the end of the couch, looking at the boy that lay in front of him. He seemed so scared. So alone. "It's ok. I understand."

Sora curled his knees up to his chest. His body couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They fell from his eyes and crashed onto the cushion that lay below him. "No, it's not ok. You don't understand." His words were weak but held meaning that left Riku more confused than ever.

"The first time can be scary…" Riku let his words trail off as he put a hand on Sora's side. He wanted nothing more to comfort the boy. He wanted to hold him. Riku had never imagined Sora to react this way. All signs pointed to this moment for so long…what had gone wrong?

The brunet was now uncontrollably sobbing. The sounds of deep breath followed by coughing filled the room. "I'm…I'm just not ready," Sora flinched at his lie. He hated lying, but he didn't think he had any other choice.

Riku instinctively wrapped his arms around the sniveling brunet. The older of the pair pulled Sora close, allowing Sora to cry into his chest. And the tears came down uncontrollably, not once ceasing. Riku winced in slight pain when he felt Sora's hands digging at his thin tank top, almost piercing the skin of his chest. Riku said nothing about it, however. All the silveret cared about was that Sora was close. "It's okay, Sora," Riku repeated, lightly kissing Sora's head. "I understand. We can wait."

Sora began to tremble frenziedly. "Riku," Sora croaked, holding the other boy impossibly close. "I'm sorry," he wailed against Riku's black tank top, at once soaking the thin material. "I'm so sorry."

Riku shook his head dismissively and gently rubbed Sora's back comfortingly. "It's fine. It's fine, Sora," Riku reassured the brunet and continued to press feather light kisses to the brunet's locks of hair that he had fallen in love with a thousand times over. Now all he wanted was for Sora to stop crying.

Sora felt so _horrible_ at that moment. How could he possibly tell Riku? Riku was going to keep asking and asking. Early in their relationship Sora had told Riku that he would do _anything_ for the silveret, and Sora figured that Riku would remember that. And anything meant sex, right? Sora's stomach twisted and began to churn. "Riku," Sora spoke as he continued to shake, wanting to heave.

"I'm not mad, don't worry," Riku said uncertainly as he continued rubbing his palms against Sora's quaking body. When Sora didn't answer, Riku pulled away a fraction and attempted to meet Sora's watery gaze. When their eyes met Riku instantly knew something was wrong. But what? Didn't Sora know that he wasn't mad? Why was he doing this to him? Something else had to be wrong.

"Sora, babe. What's wrong?" Riku whispered apprehensively as he cupped Sora's tear-soaked cheek. Aquamarine eyes stared frantically at his boyfriend, awaiting a legit response.

Sora's mouth opened but only gasps for air escaped. He wanted to tell Riku, he needed to Riku, but he couldn't tell Riku. He couldn't tell anyone. The weight of his actions pushed hard onto the brunet's body as he lay limply on Riku's lap. He needed to say something. So he said _something_.

"I don't know if this is what I want," that was not the something Sora needed to say, but it was a response. A response that Riku could maybe understand. A response that was still a _lie._ A lie that hurt worse than the truth, but what else was he to say? The truth wouldn't escape his lips, only more lies.

Riku blinked. That's all his body could do. "What… what are you saying?" Riku tightened his grip on the brunet. He wished and prayed that he had misunderstood his boyfriend's words. Riku had never kissed a boy before Sora. He had never loved a boy before Sora. Sora had been his life for over a year. His eyes closed as he waited for a response. This couldn't be the end.

"I…I can't do this. I can't…" Sora sobbed. It's not that he enjoyed lying to the one person he loved-the one person that truly loved him. It's just that he couldn't have Riku look down upon him. Riku would hate him. Riku wouldn't understand, or so Sora told himself on a daily basis.

The brunet pried himself from Riku's hold. His body was too weak to hold himself, and he fell to the floor. Riku, shocked and utterly confused, tried to touch the boy he had grown to love, but when his hand grew near to the boy's body, Sora swatted it away.

"Sora…why are you doing this?" Riku's voice grew soft. He hardly ever cried. He never had a reason to, but now he did. Sora was leaving him, and he didn't know why. Hot tears made their way down his pale cheeks. "If this is about the sex, please, don't worry about it. We don't have to…ever…I just don't want to be without you," he was pleading with Sora. He couldn't lose him. Not now, not ever.

That was the difference between him and Sora. When Riku lied, he _wanted_ his lies to be the truth. Sora _knew_ that Riku would stick to his word for awhile, but eventually he would _want_ the sex. As badly that he may even try to _force_ it on Sora. Sora knew that as well as Riku did. Sora couldn't allow himself to prolong this torture any longer. He was being selfish clinging to Riku when he couldn't satisfy him. It was pointless and childish, even.

With one last gulp, Sora forced the words out, "I don't care what you promise," Sora said in between snivels, attempting to make himself mean the words. Hopefully Riku would believe them in his confused frenzy. "I don't want this, Riku. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't be with you, Riku." Inside, Sora's heart was shattering into a million pieces. Why did _everything_ have to be about sex? Why did everything in his life so far have to be broken down by _sex_?

Riku's body went numb as he stared down at his fallen boyfriend, now unable to move his own body. "God, please no, Sora," Riku croaked, his voice catching on his boyfriend's name as tears defiantly began to fall. "Don't _do_ this, Sora. I'll do anything! Please!" He was pleading now. Begging and pleading was something Sora had never seen Riku do.

"I'm sorry," Sora reiterated as he looked away. "I'm sorry," he whispered, shaking his head. When Riku tried to touch him again, to change his mind, Sora reluctantly pulled away. "Don't… Don't, Riku." Even if he was breaking up with Riku, he couldn't be cruel. He couldn't force out anymore lies than he had already said. _I can't say that I don't love you, Riku. I can't say that I don't want you to touch me either…_

"Sora, I _love you_. Please!" Riku said in one last attempt, his shining aquamarine eyes turning a dull color as the tears got to them.

There was a long, drawn out silence as Sora thought of what he should do. Somehow, his legs had regained enough strength to stand. He looked down upon his broken now ex-boyfriend. All the lies he had told…all the webs he had weaved. He couldn't lie about this. "I love you, but it will never work out. Maybe, maybe I'm not in love with you." He closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at the boy he had just crushed.

Riku didn't have a response. Never in the past year had he ever thought this day would come. They were happy and perfect an hour ago. How could sex do such a thing? Why did it hold so much power? Riku knew he would eventually want and need the intimate time with Sora. Sex had never been a part of Riku's life until now and yet it was controlling every part of his current relationship. He knew he couldn't live his life without sex, but he also knew he couldn't live his life without Sora.

Even though Sora was trying to convince Riku this whole mess had nothing to do with sex, Riku could sense the fallacy in Sora's words. The silveret knew better than to think Sora didn't love him. There was something else. There had to be.

"Tell me the truth," Riku pulled on Sora's hand to prevent the brunet from leaving. "Please, you owe me that much."

"The truth?…The truth…" Sora shook his head. He found himself constructing another lie. Sometimes he wished he could be honest. Finally, he found something that was the truth...sort of. "If I stayed with you, it would only hurt you in the end." Sora took his hand from Riku's and made the hardest decision of his existence; he decided to walk out of Riku's life.

Riku watched as his first boyfriend, his love, his life, walked to the dining room. He watched as Sora opened the door. He watched as Sora walked out. Sora never looked back.

xx x **♥** x xx

Sora got home at precisely nine o'clock—an hour before his curfew. The brunet had managed to keep himself from crying until he got up into his room. The last thing Sora needed right now was for his parents to start snooping about. Sora was a senior and he could _handle_ things by himself. He could _handle_ breaking up with Riku. Really, he could. He didn't need his parents there, holding his hand, cooing at him that everything will work out and that Riku wasn't the one for him. The typical things parents tell their children to make them stop crying over a breakup. Sora wouldn't hear it, though. Sora just wanted to be by himself.

When Sora had finally arrived up into his cluttered bedroom, he tossed his weak and quivering body onto his half-made bed. Tears began to fall once more as he replayed the scene over and over in his head. Riku _loved_ him. He loved Riku. So what was the problem? Why couldn't he just bite down his pride and stay with Riku and _tell_ him? Sora groaned in pity of himself and began banging his fists like a small child against his mattress.

Sora had just let go of the best thing in his life.

The brunet continued crying for what felt like hours but was really only ten minutes. When the tears began ceasing, just the slightest, Sora stumbled across his bedroom, over to his desk. Once there, the teenager snagged a book from beneath his binder, along with a pen. Wearily, Sora traversed through his bedroom, back to his bed in a slow amble.

Sora then tossed his body, for a second time, onto the bed. After a moment of catching his breath from having cried for damn hard moments before, Sora twisted his body to the right so that he could lie on his stomach. Weakly, Sora wiped a few tears from his eyes as he uncapped the black pen and opened the book—a journal, to be exact.

"December 2, 2007. Today I made the second biggest mistake in my life." He wrote. Writing helped him get a hold of his emotions. Putting his feelings and actions into words made everything make sense. He sorted through his mental vocabulary trying to string together complete thoughts.

"Riku wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I freaked. I lied to Riku. Again. I lied to him and ended our relationship. I broke up with him because I'm too scared to tell him the truth. I'm too scared to see disappointment in his eyes. I don't want to be another disappointment." Sora sighed. At least the tears had stopped. He knew there would be oceans more, but for now, he only felt cold and utterly alone.

"I will always love him. I know he is the one for me. Everyone will tell me the hurt will go away and there's someone better out there for me. I will know their words are not the truth. I just…I just don't want to hurt him anymore than I have. This is the right decision. I have to tell myself that." He put the pen down on the bed beside him on the bed. His hand didn't want to write anymore. Instead, he flipped to the beginning of his journal.

His eyes read over the first date: August 19, 2006. His mind didn't want to go back to that day. He didn't want to remember, but the day would forever be scarred into the back of his mind, despite if he read the entry or not. With a heavy sigh, he read the entry:

"I didn't mean for it to happen. Everyone says that, but I mean it. He's Riku's _best friend _for godsakes. I guess the best thing to do is start at the beginning.

"Mom and dad went out of town so I threw a party. Someone brought beer. I didn't drink. I kicked everyone out by midnight, but Axel was too drunk to drive. He was passed out on my bed, so I pushed him over and tried to sleep beside him.

"Somehow he woke up a few minutes after I had gotten into the bed beside him. We talked for a bit. Everything seemed okay. It really did. But then he started kissing me out of nowhere. I didn't know what to do. It felt so good…Riku was gone for a month and I was missing him like hell. I wanted to be with him so badly that I often fantasized about kissing him…

"Somehow I let my defenses slip and I imagined that Riku was kissing me. I was so curious. I wanted to know what it felt like. I knew that Riku would never ask me out—he's too straight…

"The next thing I knew I had my eyes closed and I let Axel do whatever he wanted to me. I kept whispering Riku's name under my breath…Axel was too drunk to care. I doubt he even knew it was me. He probably was just horny. And I have to admit, I was as well…

"Before I knew it we were having sex. It happened so fast that I didn't have time to think. I didn't have time to say no. It just happened. He was prepared…but I was still so afraid. In my mind I kept thinking that it was Riku and that I wanted this so badly. And it hurt just as badly.

"I don't know how long it lasted. I just know that after it I felt so dirty. I realized that I had just made the biggest mistake ever. I just lost the most valuable thing in my entire life. The thing that I wanted to give Riku someday, even though I know it'll never happen…

"Axel didn't tell me until he left this morning that he had HIV. I punched him and he said he deserved it. I've been crying ever since. He said he used protection but I know as well as him that that always doesn't work and … I'm so afraid. I… I can't even think. I went earlier today to the clinic to get tested. The results are supposed to be in next week. I…if I have it I won't be able to live with myself. I…I can't even imagine what I'll do."

Sora stopped reading and closed his eyes tightly, feeling a few tears gather and then leave. He didn't want to turn the page. As if he ignored the next page, it would go away. It was childish to think that way, Sora knew it, but he also knew he would do _anything_ to make the next page disappear.

His hands flipped to the next page. His eyes closed and the tears fell at a steady pace. Fingers danced around the piece of paper that he had glued to the page. Finally, he opened his eyes and read the contents. There was no need, he had them memorized, burnt into his heart.

"We regret to inform you that your test results are positive for HIV. We strongly suggest you make an appointment immediately with your primary physician to discuss treatment. Any questions, comments or concerns please contact us at 555-4642. We are here to help and support you."

Sora slammed the book closed and flung it across the room. Those few words held more meaning than the years' worth of words he had heard before. He curled under his comforter, waiting for the tears to fall, but they didn't. He wanted to cry his entire being into his blanket, but he couldn't. He was beyond tears.

Footsteps came from behind his door. "Sora? Are you okay?" his mother asked as she knocked on the door.

"Yeah, mom," Sora lied. He was always lying. "Just had a bad day. I'm going to sleep or something."

"Okay, hun. I'm going to bed. Let me know if you need anything," Sora could hear her footsteps growing faint.

Still unable to cry, Sora held his pillow close to his chest. He felt like shit for lying to his parents. They had the right to know that there son's condition could slip into full-blown AIDS at any moment, but he had denied them that knowledge. The only person that knew was Axel, for obvious reasons.

It had been over a year since that night. Over a year Sora sat in silence, knowing he could be dead in a few months if his condition took a turn for the worse. Sure, being with Riku made things a little better, but now he had lost that comfort. Now he was alone. Completely alone.

Sora decided then that he would not be going to school in the morning. He would turn off his cell and close his laptop. Sora just wouldn't be able to deal with seeing Riku or anyone else tomorrow. Not after he had let the most important person in his life go. Sora growled in frustration and bit his bottom lip so hard that it began to bleed. Sora didn't mind. The slight pain took his mind off Riku for a brief moment.

A nagging voice in the back of his mind asked, _Wouldn't it have felt so much better if Riku had been the one to screw you? Wouldn't it have meant more to you? You're just a dirty slut, Sora._ _You broke Riku's heart. You could have told him. He would have understood. Now you'll never have him again. You just screwed you're entire life up. You just lost the man you love. _

Sora felt like crying, and he wanted to, but couldn't.

And the last thing Sora said before passing out was a very articulate, "I _hate_ my life."

xx x **♥** x xx

Riku forced himself to go to school the next day. The silveret hid his emotional issues and trudged into first block instead of the usual 'going to the cafeteria to hang out with Sora before first block started'. Riku had to admit, he was going to be a wreck all day. No kisses in between classes. No holding hands at lunch. No sneaking gropes during class and trying their bests not to let their embarrassment show. The worst part was that there was no more Sora. This wasn't a temporary thing…this was a permanent one.

Riku slammed his things down on his desk and ignored the notes written on the board. Riku sighed miserably and closed his eyes. No more kissing Sora. No more touching Sora. Riku clenched his fists tightly on the desk and began to feel a bit faint. _I don't think I can do this. I can't go without Sora. I can't live without Sora. I love him so much. I have to get him back…_ But Sora had questioned their love. He couldn't forgive him for that.

The class went on. The minutes slipped away. Minutes Riku had spent without Sora. Riku desperately needed to pay attention in class. He knew math was his worst subject, and he needed to pass in order to graduate, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered without Sora.

The worst part of the whole situation was that not only had Riku lost the love of his life, but he had lost one of his closest friends. Sora had left before Riku could ask if they could still be friends. Riku tried calling Sora, texting Sora, he even resorted to commenting Sora's myspace, which still claimed that Sora was in a relationship. Riku had not received any sort of response.

Riku slumped into his chair. His eyes closed. He needed a nap. He hadn't been able to sleep the night before. All he did was sit on his bed in disbelief. The desk was uncomfortable, but his arms made a nice pillow.

Just as Riku was about to reach unconsciousness, a paper ball hit his head. Riku snorted as he held his head up to see Axel's smirking face. Apparently, the teacher had finished the lesson early, leaving a few minutes before the end of class for free time.

"Fuck off, Axel," was Riku's articulate response to the paper ball.

Axel frowned. "Woah, what gives? Someone not get any, again?" Axel laughed at the last statement.

Riku cringed. He had to tell Axel sometime. After all, Axel_ was_ his best friend. "At this rate, I'll never be getting any." Riku's head slumped back into his arms.

"Ohhh.. So your little boyfriend still not ready?" Axel said with a smirk.

"He broke up with me, okay? So how about you go harass someone else," Riku snapped back at the redhead. He was not in the mood to be patronized by anyone, let alone his so-called best friend.

"Are you serious?" Axel was genuinely surprised. He didn't think the two would ever break up, let alone think the break up would be caused by Sora.

Riku growled at the question. "No, Axel," Riku drawled. " I'm lying just to make you feel bad. Of _course_ I'm being serious," Riku seethed and looked back down at his empty notebook. It'd probably remain empty all day. He wasn't in the mood to pay attention at _all_. All his mind kept returning was Sora. Sora this. Sora that. He needed a _new_ life.

"Why'd he do it?" Axel wondered, leaning back in his own seat. The chair tipped a bit and Axel propped his feet up on the desk, regardless of the glare the teacher sent at him for doing such. Axel really didn't pay any heed to classroom rules.

"He claimed it was because I asked to have sex with him. I don't really know, Axel. And I don't really care," Riku growled. He knew the last part was a lie. Of _course_ he wanted to know why Sora broke up with him. That way he could, perhaps, fix things. Riku was in denial… he just couldn't accept that everything could end just like that.

"Geez," Axel said, shaking his head. "You'd think he would just say no instead of freaking out on you and breaking up. Maybe he was joking?" Riku glared and shot Axel a look that could likely kill the redhead if Axel was any closer. Axel laughed apprehensively. "Okay, so maybe he was being serious. I don't know either, sport. Have you tried talking to him?"

"He won't answer my ims, my emails, or my calls," Riku grunted angrily, wanting to beat his head against something at this moment. "And he's probably going to avoid me at lunch, too. Just watch."

Axel sighed dejectedly. "Oh, the pain of love," he stated a bit too dramatically for the conversation at hand. Riku narrowed his eyes frustrated-like at Axel.

Before Riku could smack Axel's face to next Tuesday, the bell rang. Axel took the bell as a sign from the heavens that he should exit the room before he ended up with a concussion.

The next class might as well have not existed. All Riku remembered was the teacher giving out an in-class essay, on that Riku had only signed his name to and handed in completely blank.

"At least I'll get to see him at lunch. Even if he doesn't talk to me, I'll be able to see him," Riku sighed as he walked to his locker. He wanted Sora to be at his locker, waiting to walk him to lunch, but he knew he would only have memories to look forward to.

As Riku entered the cafeteria, his eyes automatically found his table. As he walked closer he saw all the regulars: Roxas, Axel, Namine, Kairi and Hayner. He took a seat, assuming Sora was in line getting his lunch.

No sooner had he sat down did the condolences begin.

"Riku! I'm sooo sorry!!" squealed Kairi. "He's not worth it," said Roxas. "You know there's better out there," Hayner reassured. "He's probably just confused," Namine reasoned.

Out of all the things said in that first few minutes at his usual table, the only person making sense was Namine. There had to be some reason why Sora was questioning their love. There had to be.

"You really think so, Namine?" Riku hoped she wasn't just trying to be a supportive friend.

"Yes," Namine nodded. "I know he loves you. He probably is going through issues that have nothing to do with you. Give him time."

"Whatever! You can do sooo much better!" Kairi insisted.

Oh, how he hated how perky Kairi could be. Especially at times like these. He shook his head at her general direction. "So, where is he?"

Roxas shrugged. "His mom called and said he wasn't feeling well and not to pick him up. She wouldn't let me speak with him"

Riku slumped into his chair. The one time he thought he would get to lay eyes on the boy he desperately loved had been taken away from him. "How much worse could my life possibly get," he mumbled to himself.

Lunch went by slowly. Riku had mostly blocked out Kairi's rants about how Sora had broken his heart and that he needed to be punished. Namine didn't dare say another word to Riku—she understood, to some degree, what he was going through and figured that the silveret needed time to himself without speaking. So she allowed that. Riku was thankful for that and just wished that everyone else at his table would shut the hell up and leave him alone. That didn't happen.

Riku's next few classes were as boring as ever. No one else spoke to him for the entirety of the day. Axel had been the only one brave enough during class to interrupt Riku when he looked that pissed off. Riku figured that the whole entire school probably knew by now…not that they cared or anything. They just liked the gossip.

Before Riku left, the silveret had stopped by Roxas' locker considering it was on the way out of the school building. "Roxas, can you do me a favor?" Riku felt immature and a bit out of place asking Roxas for a favor. He had never asked Roxas for a favor before. Great time to start…

"Hm?" Roxas paused, yanking his bag out of his locker. "What'd that be?"

"Can you tell Sora that whatever I did, I'm really sorry and that I miss him?" And he felt horrible for even still _feeling_ like this. But he just wanted Sora back and right about now he would do anything to get the message across to his ex boyfriend.

"Riku…" Roxas sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Listen," Roxas said sternly. "My brother's a jerk. If he's made a decision, he's going to stick with it. He just ruined the best relationship he's ever going to be in. Don't crawl back to him. And don't let him crawl back to you either. He's not worth it. You deserve better."

Riku shifted uncomfortably as his eyes narrowed the slightest. "But I love—"

"Love's short-lived," Roxas said with a distant shrug as he slammed his locker shut. "But I'll relay the message anyhow." And with that, the blond left, leaving Riku more confused than he already had been.

Great. Just great. The one outlet Riku had to Sora just denied him access. He sighed as he dragged his feet to his car. Once outside he looked to the sky. Snow drifted into his eyes as he said to whatever being lived in the heavens, "Thank you, thank you so very much." He choked back his tears and entered his car. He started the ignition and began driving. He wouldn't stop until he could make sense of everything, which gods knew would be a very long time.


	2. chapter two

_New Chapter! Uhm. Abstract apologizes for the fact this took awhile because her life has been busy and she didn't have the chance to write. But it's okay because we love her and her writing. Mhm. She's had many a things to do during break and whatnot, so it's all good :D Anyhow, we both thank you for reading and love this chapter and ack. We'd love it if you could review. Yes we would!  
_

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**Breakdown**

Riku drove for a collective total of three hours—to the beach, through all the back roads he knew, and then finally home. The driving did nothing to ease his restless mind. Every time he dared to take his mind off the road in front of him and the look-alike cars before him, his thoughts drifted back to the night prior. So many things could have been prevented. All he had to do was keep his mouth shut and not suggest anything until Sora brought it up. Sora would have been ready then. Sora wouldn't have broken up with him if he hadn't asked.

Riku wasn't aware until three minutes later that he had slammed his fist down against the horn. It was not until an angry neighbor stormed out of their house and began shouting at the parked car that Riku realized he still had the fist on the wheel. Right. Angrily, the silveret removed his fist, the silence doing nothing to sooth his rough nerves. All Riku wanted to do was beat the living daylights out of something. _Anything_ would work.

Figuring that he couldn't spend the entirety of his life in the driver's seat of his parents' car, Riku kicked the driver-side door open and jostled out of the car. A gentle breeze swept through his thin, silver hair, at once obstructing his view. He didn't mind, though. Right now Riku wasn't really too pleased on being able to see _anything_ this cruel world had in store for him. Perhaps if he hadn't loved Sora so god damn _much_ this wouldn't be so damn _difficult_.

Riku's eyes drifted upwards towards the dreary looking sky. It was days like these that he used to spend with Sora, curled up on a couch, surfing through the boring channels on tv. They'd make out, whisper sweet nothings, laugh, and tease each other senseless. Why did the memories seem so fuzzy and faraway now? Riku shuddered and huffed, abruptly leaving his driveway and entering his small, two story house without speaking a single word to the still hollering neighbor.

He walked through the dining room and ran past the living room to the stairs. Since the night before, he couldn't bare to look at the room. It held memories that were too real and too fresh to be dealt with. His legs pushed down onto the stairs and mind raced up them. Pushing through his door, Riku then found his bed. At last, some comfort.

Just as Riku's silver locks hit his pillow, he felt something vibrate in his pants. A sigh exited his mouth as he glanced at his phone. He flipped it open and saw he had a new text. Axel. Perfect.

"Hey, r u busy?" said the text.

"Not really. Not in the mood to text," Riku typed at lightening speeds and threw his phone onto his nightstand. His mind fell back into the past, where it had been all day. His eyes closed.

There he stood with Sora on the beach. It was late September the year before. The sun's rays made Sora's dark hair appear blond. It made Riku smile. Riku stood close to the brunet as he pointed at a surfer out in the distance crash into a wave. They both laughed as the man tried to stay afloat but was crushed under the wave. Sora turned to Riku and smiled. It was at that moment that Riku took Sora's hand for the first time.

A tear seeped out of the corner of Riku's eyes. Such a beautiful memory held so much weight in Riku's mind. He wondered if Sora even remembered that day on the beach at all.

Just as Riku felt as if he were about to lose what little composure he had, the cell phone on his nightstand began to vibrate. It wasn't a text. It was a phone call.

"What do you want, Axel?" Riku asked with a hint of hate.

"You didn't say anything about calling," Axel said. "Can I come over?"

Riku groaned in utter defeat and responded with a despondent, "Can't you tell when someone wants to be _alone_?" Riku really didn't expect Axel to answer with a yes. The redhead never believed in 'personal space'. It was, apparently, against the redhead's religion or something like that.

"I really need to talk to you, though," Axel said persistently. The tapping of his fingers against wood could be heard over the phone. "I mean, you _are_ the person I'm turning to for advice, you should be honored."

"Why are you making it seem like me giving you advice is some sort of favor you're doing for me? That makes no sense, you idiot," Riku scoffed irritably, his hand flexing. He had never gone this long without holding Sora's hand. He missed the way it felt so perfectly within his. How Sora's fingers would clasp in his own. With each passing moment, though, the strength of that feeling faded. Riku _needed_ it again to refresh his mind. It wasn't just want, it was _need_.

"Oh, shut up," Axel grumbled and then asked, "So, can I?"

"Fine, whatever," Riku moaned, burying his chin down into his pillow. "But if I'm an irritable ass, you'll know why."

"Thanks for the warning, bud," Axel said with a small snicker on his side. "I'll be over in ten minutes. I have to bribe the keys away from my mother. Anyhow, see you there. Don't get _too_ dolled up for me." And with that, Axel hung up, ending the short conversation on a bizarre note.

"Creep," Riku grumbled, though a trace of affection was there. Axel was his best friend. Sure, he got annoyed with him, but _nothing_ could ever possibly break their friendship. "At least I won't have to deal with being lonely the entire day," Riku mumbled to himself as he tossed the cell phone off the bed, watching as it landed onto the ground with a gentle thud.

And right now all Riku wanted was to be back at that beach with Sora, holding the brunet's small hand in his for the very first time. All he wanted was Sora…not some lame conversation with Axel.

Riku considered turning on some music or the TV for background noise until Axel came, but decided that he should enjoy the last few drops of silence he could have for hours…even if silence met being alone to his own thoughts.

All over Riku's walls were pictures of Sora. Pictures of him covered in powdered sugar when they tried to bake cookies last Christmas. Pictures from dances. Pictures of moments that would never be duplicated ever again. The pictures had to come down at some point. Riku figured now would be better a time than ever. His hands pried the still frames off his ocean blue walls. He watched as each picture fluttered to the ground.

Ten minutes seemed like hours. The silence rang through his house. Any other afternoon Sora would be over at Riku's, or online, or calling or texting Riku. Riku sat on his bed starring at the pictures wondering if one day he and Sora could be friends like before. He wondered if he had the capability to be "just friends" with the brunet. Probably not. It would hurt too much.

As he sat there, reminiscing, a pang of guilt and remorse clung to him, stinging his heart. What did he do wrong? _Had_ he done something wrong? God, he should have seen this coming. Riku groaned and buried his face into the pillow, not bothering to go downstairs and wait for Axel. The redhead could let himself in, anyhow. He knew where the spare key was, under the mat by the front door. All Riku's mind could focus on was all the things he had done wrong. He _should_ have asked for more simpler things before sex. He should have asked to go slow. To do things that would make Sora more comfortable with the whole intimate thing.

Sure…they had done _some _things, but not many. There were no climaxes or releases that Riku could remember. There were spells of clothed grinding that nearly sent him over the edge until Sora shyly stopped it; unable to go through with such a huge step, but that had been all. Riku nearly wanted to bang his head against something. Why had he let his hormones take control and ruin his best relationship?

Riku must have zoned out for a good ten minutes because when Axel arrived in his bedroom, swinging the keys around on his fingers, he was quite surprised to see him.

"Miss me, beautiful?" Axel said with a smirk.

The truth is, Riku only missed Sora. He was sure Axel knew this. Riku rolled his eyes at his best friend."You got here fast," Riku stated apathetically, rolling on his side to stare at Axel with a lifted brow.

"Not really," Axel responded with a snort and snagged Riku's computer chair. The redhead dragged said chair over to the bed and sat at it, his legs on each side of the small back piece as he leaned his elbows on the top. "You going to pay attention or do I need to get you hyped off something first?"

Riku rolled his eyes. "Just tell me what you so desperately needed me for," Riku explained irritably, folding his arms to his chest as his aquamarine eyes met Axel's sharper, greener ones. At once, the silveret knew something was dreadfully wrong. Riku looked at his friend, never once breaking eye contact.

A moment of silence and then, "Axel. What did you do?" He was being _very_ serious. He just knew something was amiss by the way Axel looked at him that helplessly.

"Remember two summers ago when I went to that part up at the university?" The wild redhead hardly ever looked serious, but Riku saw a hint of sincerity locked away behind his friend's cat-like eyes as he spoke.

"The one I refused to go to because the people at that college are complete dickheads?" Still, even if Axel was being serious, Riku couldn't help but being a smartass.

"Yeah, that one…," Axel paused and looked at the ground. "I slept with someone."

Judging by Axel's tone, Riku decided to keep his mouth shut. Something was very wrong.

"I only drank a few beers. The party wasn't that exciting," Axel said as he nervously turned the chair from side to side. "So, I decided to explore the house. I went up stairs and saw a door open. It was this kid, Seifer's, room. I think he was the one throwing the party." The redhead stopped speaking. His head fell onto his hands.

Riku looked onto his friend, realizing how hard the confession must be on the boy. "Axel, I think I get. You don't have to go into detail."

"No, that's not all," Axel continued. "He was getting CDs. He saw me and said I was beautiful. He offered me some vodka or something. I took it. We talked…and then I woke up the next morning feeling like complete hell. It was then he told me he had HIV…after we had had sex. After I gave him everything. It was then he fucking took the liberty of telling me about his disease."

Riku fell silent for a long moment. At first he wanted to yell at Axel for shoving this huge burden on him the day after _Sora_ broke up with him. It was too much to handle in two days. Then Riku was stunned. Axel. His best friend, apart from his now ex boyfriend, had HIV? Was he going to die? Then the anger returned as he glared at Axel. Why hadn't he used protection? Why hadn't he been smarter? And then there was denial. Maybe Axel had been mistaken. Maybe he didn't have it…and finally, finally came acceptance. Axel had come to him seeking advice. Help.

"…And why are you telling me this now? You've had it for awhile. Why tell me now?" Riku wondered lamely as he stared accusingly at Axel, as if Axel had just committed the cruelest of crimes. The silveret was too despondent to feel sympathy at this moment.

Axel snorted and sheepishly rubbed his forehead and then the back of his neck. He was nervous, Riku could tell. "Well, not to be blunt, but…" Axel cleared his throat and looked over to Riku, meeting his gaze for a moment. "…But I want to date this guy. You know, the one I've been crushing on and have gone on a few dates with? Yeah, him."

Riku understood, then. "So you're not sure how to tell him?" Riku guessed, biting his bottom lip with a sigh soon afterwards. "I don't know, Axel. You've dug yourself into a huge hole this time. I don't know what I can say to do…it's either tell him now or tell him when you're feeling like things are going to get more intimate, I guess."

Axel shrugged. "More than you know," Axel whispered under his breath, concealing a shard of information before looking back up to Riku. "And how would I go about telling lhim, huh? Just say, 'Oh hey, guess what? I have HiV. Guess we can't have sex. Sorry.'"

Riku rolled his eyes. "Then just don't have sex with him," Riku drawled. "Your relationships don't last that long, Axel. I wouldn't even be thinking about sex if I were you." Riku then added on, "Considering what happened."

"Don't be so harsh," Axel's eyes flashed a bit of anger. "It's not the sex, really. I just like him, a lot. I like him enough to not want to constantly be lying to him." He made sure to accent the last bit of his statement. Axel was hinting at something, but Riku didn't pick up on the vibe.

"So, tell him." Riku laid back down on his bed. "It will sting, but not as badly as if you were to hold that information in. "

"You're right. Time to swallow my pride and tell the truth," Axel moved from his position on the chair to the foot of the bed. His back rested firmly on the wall, and he smiled, "I really like him, Riku."

"Do you think he likes you back?" Riku said while propping himself up on an elbow to see his friend's facial expressions.

"Who knows. I'm not taking chances. I'm going to tell him. I'm ready for something that will work, for once."

"And if he doesn't like you because of your past mistakes, than he wasn't worth it." Riku closed his eyes at the conclusion of his statement. His heart pounded a bit faster. Thinking about his friend finding someone had made him realize he had no one. Riku picked out a college that would be close to Sora. He pictured them one day sharing an apartment. Now, all he could do is hope that one day Sora would speak to him again.

xx x **♥** x xx

A small stand of light found its way between Sora's curtains. It pierced through the emptiness of his room and landed on Sora. The sunlight illuminated Sora's cheek, which had been paled from lack of movement and nourishment. A groan passed through his lips as he turned over, pulling his blanket over his head in the process. He cursed the warmth of California's rays and momentarily wished there to be snow in December instead of sunshine.

Sora hadn't left his house let alone his room since the break up. His bed had been his coffin of sorts. There was a complete lack of motivation surging through his veins. All he wanted to do was feel the pain he knew he deserved for leaving Riku.

Sora's mother had been concerned. She occasionally wandered up into his room to check his fever and give him soup, but he constantly told her he wasn't feeling any better and that he wasn't hungry. He ate some, though. Enough to keep him from starving, but not enough to keep him healthy enough to not become sick entirely. In fact, Sora had almost _given_ himself an illness (that he didn't' already have…) from being in this room so long without food and that constant guilt nagging at him. It had been enough to give him a fever.

One day he'd tell Riku, Sora figured in his mind. One day far from now. When Riku had kids and a family. That would be when Sora told him. That way he wouldn't feel like he had to come back to Sora know that he knew. Hell, Sora doubted Riku would ever want him back in the first place. He was skinny. He was unpopular. He was just an average person. Why did Riku even fall in love with him in the first place? Was it just a stroke of luck?

Still, Sora wouldn't question Riku's love. Or what had been love until two days ago. Sora shuddered at the memory and quickly blocked it away. He needed to stop thinking about how he should have waited a few more months until he and Riku got together instead of having sex with Axel. He should have _waited_.

Sora was jerked out of his thoughts when a knock came upon his door. Sora lifted his head from a plethora of tissues that surrounded his limp body. Curiously, Sora tilted his head, just slightly, to the side and hoarsely stated, "Come in…" Though he really would have rather to be alone.

His spiky, blonde haired brother entered the room, his hands in his black jacket pockets. Sharp, blue eyes locked on with Sora's dull ones. Roxas frowned and lingered near the entrance of Sora's bedroom, surveying the scene for a long moment. "God, you look like hell," Roxas lamented as he walked over to his brother.

"Don't come closer," Sora croaked out, faking a cough. "I'm…" Another fake cough and, "Sick."

Roxas rolled his eyes and sat down at the edge of Sora's bed. "Cut the crap, Sora, I know you're not sick. I'm not going to tell mom, though, don't worry. I'm not that big of a jerk." He offered a weary smile before continuing. "You've missed two days in a row, Sora…This isn't healthy. I know you're not sick so stop moping around."

Sora shook is head. "If you only knew…" The truth is, even if Sora had been making himself ill on purpose, he was feeling worse than usual. Besides the massive amounts of crying, Sora felt weak. Weaker than usual.

"What don't I know?" Roxas eyed his brother. "Ever since I decided to move in with dad after the divorce you've cut me off. I had to find out from Riku that you guys broke up. I should have heard that from my brother, not from his ex."

"You're right. I'm sorry," Sora paused. "I'm sick, Roxas."

"Like I have mono sick, or I have a broken heart sick?" The blond stared at the brunet. He hoped to find some hint of the answer in Sora's eyes but was left with nothing.

Sora didn't want to tell Roxas. If he told his brother about the disease it would make it real. So far, only he and Axel knew about Sora's condition, and Sora wasn't about to talk to Axel regarding his physical state. But if he confessed his sins to Roxas, someone would know. Someone close to him. It would bring the virus to life.

Sora took a deep breath. He didn't want to lie. Not to his brother. "Like, I have HIV sick." Before Roxas had the chance to respond, Sora buried himself beneath his blankets. He didn't want to see Roxas' eyes. He didn't want to see disappointment.

And the blond blinked. That's all he could do. His brain tried to comprehend the statement, but it couldn't. His friend…his brother…he couldn't have HIV. How could this have happened Roxas thought. He knew Sora had only been with one other person beside Riku, and that was a girl back in ninth grade. They didn't have sex…

"Wait. Did Riku lie? Did you guys have sex? Did he _give it_ to you?" Roxas thought out loud.

Sora shot up from under the covers. "No! Never. Riku doesn't have HIV. Ax—I mean an ass from some party gave it to me." He forgot that no one knew about Axel's infection. Axel asked Sora to keep it that way. None the less, Sora couldn't have Roxas thinking Riku did something wrong. It was Sora who had done the wrong. Everything wrong.

Roxas breathed in deeply and looked wearily at Sora. Suddenly everything made sense. "So that's why you guys broke up, then? You told him and he got mad?" Roxas guessed, frowning at Sora who continued shaking horribly, looking like he was about throw up any second. Sora looked horrible.

"…No. I broke up with him because I didn't have the heart to tell him," he explained calmly, closing his eyes. "I couldn't tell him that I…" Tears began to fall at this point. "That I had had sex before. That he wasn't going to be my first when I would have been his. It would have torn him apart, Roxas! And then this disease! Oh god!"

"Sora..." Roxas sighed and placed a hand cautiously onto Sora's hand. He wanted to thank him for telling him, but he didn't think it'd be the right place to say that. Not now, anyway. "Do you have the test results?"

Sora shifted uncomfortably. "…Yes…"

Roxas frowned and then paused. He would have asked to see them but he knew it would just be even harder on Sora if he did that. "When did this happen?" the blond dared to ask, chewing his bottom lip worriedly. How could Sora, of all people, _get_ this? Roxas' stomach felt entirely flipped upside down at this point.

"Summer, before Riku and I started dating…party…guy was unprotected…you know the rest…" Sora whispered brokenly as he looked off to the right, pretending to be occupied with something in his room. Something. Anything to keep his mind off the shame that was flickering in his once happy blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," Roxas said sympathetically. "Mom and Dad don't have to know. I won't tell them, I promise… but you're making yourself sick, Sora… I'm really worried about you." Roxas stared concernedly at Sora, hoping that maybe it was just all in Sora's head and he never actually got the disease. Yeah right. Things like that only happened in dreams.

Sora wanted to cry again. "Roxas…I can't get my mind off this…just thinking about _anything_ makes me want to throw up. And I think I'm just sick in general…I probably caught something. I don't know…"

Roxas nodded and then sighed. "All right…Maybe we should go down to the clinic, see what you caught, get some medicine for it, and then make you take it so you can get back to school and not fail," he said sternly.

"…Whatever…I don't wanna leave but…whatever. It'll be better than taking cold medicine," Sora sighed.

Roxas glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It read 5:15 p.m. "Well, they're closed for today. We'll call tomorrow and make an appointment."

"But if we make an appointment I could be better by the time they have an opening,"  
Sora fidgeted. He didn't want to go to the doctor. Insides he felt like he was dying; he didn't want confirmation on that fact.

"Sora, if what you're saying is true, you may never be better," the statement was hard for Roxas to say, but it was the truth. HIV was incurable. It often led to AIDS. It often led to death. Roxas shivered at the thought of losing his brother. That couldn't happen. "We're going to get you retested. I want proof."

"But, Roxas, I have proof! I have a letter from the last place I got tested from," Sora whined. He needed Roxas to accept that Sora had made bad decisions. Sora needed someone to accept that he had HIV because he couldn't himself.

"I don't care what proof you have. I need my own proof. I want a doctor to tell it to my face that you have it. Not a piece of paper sent in the mail," Roxas' hand took Sora's. He held it softly. They sat there in silence for a while: each lost in their own thoughts.

Roxas squeezed his brother's hand. "But Sora, you need to tell him."

"Why? He probably hates me anyway. He has every right too.."

"…He doesn't hate you," Roxas interrupted. "Do you think he does, honestly?" The blond grabbed Sora's phone from the nightstand and powered it on. He pointed to the screen that flashed a message reading '10 new voicemails.' "Sora, he doesn't hate you. For the love of God and all that is holy, tell the boy. He has a right to know the truth."

"But he'll hate me even more then," Sora reasoned. It wasn't good reasoning, but he didn't have it in him to tell Riku. Sora noticed his brother shake his head at his statement. "Can I at least wait until after the new test results are in?…I don't want to worry him anymore than I have to."

Roxas sighed and nodded. "All right. Then we'll wait until then. But please, speak to the boy before he drives me insane. He's already started bugging me at school, asking where you were and why you won't answer his calls."

Sora frowned. "I suppose…I could text him. I don't think I can handle hearing his voice," he whispered quietly, hugging his arms tightly to his body. "I'd probably blurt out something I shouldn't and there goes everything."

Roxas sighed again. "Okay. We'll go tomorrow, get the test, I'll have my proof. If you really are…then you tell Riku and see what he says. If he wants proof, I'll…confirm it. If he doesn't want to be with you, then fuck him. If he still wants to be with you and understands, then god bless him." Roxas frowned. When Riku had told him they had broken up he had assumed it was for a selfish reason. Not this.

"Thanks…" Sora lowered his gaze and poked a few tissues. "I love him, you know…" Sora whispered softly, tears prickling at his eyes. "I really, _really_ do. And I would do anything…_anything_ to be with him and take all of this back."

"I know, Sora," Roxas murmured and sat back down, resting his hand on Sora's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze this time. "I know."

Sora leaned into his brother's warm and proceeded to bury his face against Roxas' chest, hands clenching tightly at the other male's shirt as he silently sobbed. There were no tears. He didn't have any left anymore. All Sora wanted was to be with Riku. He hadn't meant to hurt Riku. He hadn't meant to do any of this. All he wanted right now was Riku.

The phone rang. "For the love of…" Roxas growled when he heard the phone. What? Would this make eleven voicemails? "Answer it, Sora. _Talk_ to him." Roxas chucked the phone at the shaking Sora, handing him a Kleenex in the process, just in case.

Sora stared wide-eyed at the phone, uncertain if he should answer it or not. The phone vibrated in his hand. He looked at Riku's name on the screen. All of the sudden, a longing to hear Riku speak made its way into Sora's heart. "Well…it has been days since we've talked." A few seconds ago he wanted nothing more than to ignore Riku and pretend he didn't exist. Oh how fickle emotions can be.

"That's the spirit," Roxas patted Sora's back and stood from the bed. "I'm going to go talk to Mom. Have fun."

Sora's fingers flipped open the phone. Cautiously, he placed the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Sora? You…you answered!?" Riku's voice sounded a bit confused. He had been expecting the call to go straight to voicemail like it had countless times before.

"Yes, it's me," the brunet picked up a pencil and twirled it around his fingers nervously. He didn't know how one converses with an ex, especially one you still loved…"What's up?"

"Not a thing," Riku paused. Everything inside him told him to not bring up the breakup. He knew it wouldn't solve anything. No matter how much he begged and pleaded with Sora, Sora had made his decision. Riku couldn't change Sora's mind. He sighed into the phone.

"Something wrong?" Sora smacked his forehead. Dammit, of course there's something wrong. You broke up with him, you idiot, he thought to himself. "…Sorry."

"I'm not going to lie to you," Riku said bluntly.

"I never asked you to…" Sora's voice trailed off into the distance. One thing Sora never wanted was Riku to lie.

"It's not ok--It may never be ok, but I'm dealing, sort of," Riku tried to hide the hurt underlining his voice. A silence plagued the conversation. The silveret could tell Sora was not up for discussing the taboo matter at this point in time. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I'm on my deathbed." For once, Sora didn't lie. "I'm pretty sick, Riku."

"You haven't answered my calls or texts. No one, not even your brother, has heard from you. I thought you were dead." The words flew from Riku's mouth at an amazing speed.

Does that mean Riku cares about me even though I hurt him? Sora contemplated this idea and then realized he was still on the phone. "Sorry to worry everyone. Roxas came over today. He's taking me to the doctors soon."

"Well, I suppose that's good news, then," Riku answered laconically, his fingers tapping slowly on his knee. His words were simple and stripped of any emotion whatsoever. It was odd to hear him speak to Sora in such a tone, but it was to be expected.

"Yeah," said Sora. "I should be back in school late this week or something," he went on to say, looking over at Roxas with a shrug. Maybe this week, maybe next. Right now he didn't care about his grades. No, all he cared about was the man he had just hurt and that stupid disease that plagued his thoughts and body. God damn it all.

"Oh," Riku responded, a bit surprised. "Going to be gone that long?...I hope it's nothing serious."

The casual conversation nearly killed Sora inside. What they should be saying was how much they _loved_ each other and how their days were, and just how totally in _love_ they were and how they'd _never_ be apart. "I don't think so. Just annoying and making me feel like I'm dying." Which I am.

"If it's straining you to talk, I can hang up," Riku offered, his tone still void of emotion. If you listened hard enough you could barely pick up on the concern. On the heartbreak that laced his voice.

"It's fine…don't worry about it," Sora murmured and began tracing small shapes onto the back of the phone. He had never felt this nervous speaking with Riku before. "Unless you have to do something?" Sora would never admit just how wonderful it was to hear Riku's voice. Just his _voice_ sent shivers down the brunet's spine. Good lords.

"Nothing really," Riku admitted. "But I'm low on minutes, so I have to make this short. I haven't purchased new ones yet."

Sora nodded, regardless of whether or not Riku could see. "Well then, you better go. I don't want to waste your minutes," he said quietly, his mind straining and struggling and aching to tell Riku it would all be all right and that he still loved him. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that. He had to continue with this _heartbreak_.

"Sora, talking to you isn't a waste," Riku answered sternly. There was a thread of honesty and compassion in that sentence. It was easily detected.

"I suppose… but you'd probably be able to put them to better use," Sora reasoned, shaking his head. Don't waste your money on someone who broke your heart and lied to you, Sora thought weakly, his grip on the phone tightening in pain. Don't even bother talking to me. I'm not worth your time anymore.

"I'm not going to argue about this. You know how I feel and that's all… but I guess I just have to get over it. Anyhow, I better go. I'll…see you around, okay?" Pain. There was so much pain leaking involuntarily from the silveret's voice.

"Yeah…see ya." Sora had to bite down his tongue to resist whispering the usual, 'I love you'.

"I-…See ya," Riku echoed, having to do the same thing.

Sora hung up and held the phone in trembling hands.

xx x **♥** x xx

The next day crept along at an amazingly slow pace. Sora's absence from school made Riku's reluctance to pay attention to his studies grow. He was used to the brunet pestering him, telling him to pay attention so he could graduate. Now all Riku got was Axel asking for relationship advice. He knew Axel was going through hell at the moment, but all Riku wanted was a break.

So, as the final bell rang and the silveret grabbed his belongings, he decided to go visit Namine at work. The drive to Angel Falls Café took but 15 minutes. By the time Riku found his usual table, his mind was already racing through the past and all the time he had shared with his ex in the establishment. Before Riku was able to sulk into his cup of coffee, Namine appeared at the table, saving Riku from his thoughts.

"Well, nice of you to stop by," Namine said as she took a seat at the table.

As Riku nodded and opened his mouth to speak, his eyes caught sight of a thin brunette _girl._ Usually, Riku would have looked past the girl to whatever boy she had and would check him out, but this girl was different. For whatever reason, his eyes locked on to her and suddenly Riku forgot what he was about to say and simply stared at the mystery girl.

Namine took heed of the current situation, smiled and said, "Oh, silly me. This is my cousin, Olette. She just moved here from Ohio." Namine motioned Olette to the table, "Olette, this is Riku. He's basically my best guy friend."

And then Olette smiled. Riku didn't understand what was going on. Something inside of him beckoned him to say something to the girl and something else reminded him of Sora. So, instead of speaking, he went through a mental battle over what he should do.

"Nice to meet you," Olette squinted and smiled as she raised a hand to Riku.

Riku lightly shook the hand, "Same to you."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Namine interjected. "Riku's ga—"

An elbow pushed into her side inhibiting the rest of the word from forming. "I'm glad to meet you," Riku said as he glared at Namine.

"Oh," Olette responded with a warm smile, sitting at the table with her cousin and 'new acquaintance'. "Well, any friend of Namine is a friend of mine," she explained casually, lacing her hands together on the table. She appeared nervous and Riku couldn't help but liken her demeanor to his ex's. It was gentle, untamed, and innocent. Or so the first few minutes of conversation told him.

Namine was still trying to figure out what the push was for before Riku spoke again. "Do you like it here so far?" Sea green eyes shimmered shamelessly at her. It wasn't a pathetic come on, but more so a look of subtle interest. Riku swore up and down it wasn't because she somewhat reminded him of Sora. No. That wasn't it at all.

"I do," she responded at once, the smile never fading. Sora's never faded either. "It's a lot warmer and…less chaotic," she admitted with a sheepish shrug.

"Well, that's good," Riku answered just as casually as before.

Their eyes met and Olette shyly looked away, turning to her cousin. "If all of your friends are this attractive, I'm going to have a hard time fitting in," she giggled, the warm smile morphing into a pleasured grin.

Riku chuckled at this. _Well, we _are_ an attractive bunch_, he thought, mildly amused. "You'll fit in just fine, don't worry," he reassured her, an almost flirtatious grin on his own face. And for some reason, it felt almost _wrong_ to be flirting with someone, even though he was single. And yet… at the same time, it felt oddly _right_. Exciting, almost. Even if this was a girl. Even if this could be pointless. She was cute. She was shy. He was single. She was…hopefully single. He needed something to take his mind off Sora. It all fit together wonderfully.

Namine figured she'd ask later as to why Riku was acting so…well, straight all of a sudden.

Riku, feeling no need to be passive, inquired, "If you're not busy this Friday, we could go see a movie? I heard that new movie…with that Will Smith guy is pretty good."

Olette blinked in surprise. "Sure. That'd be nice." Another smile.

"Consider it a 'welcome to the town' sort of thing." His somewhat-fake smile glittered with threads of honesty. Behind that honesty was hurt. Hurt that only he could feel and see. It didn't matter, though. As long as Sora was off his mind for a few moments, everything was fine. Everything was going well.

"Mmkay," the girl said with a smile. "So, Riku" she made sure to accentuate the 'ku' in his name and she placed her beverage on the small table. "What grade are you in?"

"Senior. Thank god. And yourself?" It was nice to have a normal conversation with someone who knew nothing about his breakup. The past few days had been countless questions surrounding Sora, all of which took a stab at Riku's heart. He was now beaming with energy at the idea of speaking about normal, mundane topics.

"Junior. I think I'm going to stay out here for college," Olette said as she played with her hands. "I like the warmth."

"It'll get to you after a while," Riku took a sip of his coffee, never once taking his eyes off of the girl that sat before him. "You know, I've never seen snow."

"What?!" Olette almost chocked on her hot beverage. "Oh, we'll have to fix that at some point. Sure, it's a pain sometimes, but it cancels class. And it is beautiful."

"And I love beautiful things," he said with a smile that only Riku could produce. Olette giggled.

Namine's head moved back and forth watching the two engage in their conversation. At first, she was confused as to why Riku would give Olette the time of day, and why she was being ignored. Not only was Olette a _girl_, but she really wasn't Riku's type. Namine loved her cousin, but she wasn't the brightest or most special girl out there. Olette was quiet, reserved and loved to read while Riku was confident, outgoing and into video games. Then, it clicked. _Opposites attract,_ the blonde thought to herself.

"Well, I'm going to let you two catch up. I am working after all," Namine smiled and glanced at Riku. "Call me later. We have much to discuss."

Riku nodded, "See you Namine." His attention went back to the girl. They talked for a full hour about each other's lives. For some reason, Sora never appeared in his conversation. Riku briefly touched on the fact his boyfriend had just broken up with him, but he made sure to quickly recover and change subjects.

With every word spoken to the girl in front of him, Sora faded a little more into the background until all Riku saw was a pretty little girl named Olette.


	3. chapter three

_next chapter. took us a bit to write, as always. a college student and highschool student are busy people, you know! considering we both have our own stories and lives, haha. well, hope you enjoy this chapter. the plot is developing and yeah. i really liked this chapter. thanks for all the reviews so far. we adore you for writing them. yes, yes, yes, so please do such in this chapter as well!! and sarah feels that in this chapter sora is slightly resemblent to an emo kid, sitting around in his room all day, not bathing while feeling sorry for himself... i have to agree, though his reactions are realistic. yay for personal experience. okay, shutting up. review, please._

* * *

**_Breakdown_**

Sora had many things in his room. The past week, most of his belongings that had been strewn about the house had made their way into the small room. There were crackers, chips, Vitamin Water, books, a PS2, the home phone, glasses, bowls, spoons, paper towels, various medications and a laptop. The brunet had grown accustom to late nights of playing RPGs and days filled with sleep.

The boy didn't want to sleep the days away. He knew he was just wasting what little life he felt he had left sleeping, but it hurt Sora to be awake. Every moment he was awake, he would be thinking about what Riku would be doing at that exact moment. After a year of dating, you get to know the other's habits and routines rather well.

Like, right now, as Sora was waking up at noon, Riku would be exiting the school lunch room and walking Sora to his locker, where he would kiss the brunet softly on his lips and walk off to AP physics. That is, if Sora hadn't ended their relationship.

Sora remembered his promise to Roxas and picked up his laptop to search for the number to the health clinic in town. The laptop wouldn't turn on. Out of all the things the brunet had moved into his room, he had somehow forgot to bring his charger in from the living room.

After pulling a hoodie over his head, Sora decided he would have to trek to the living room to retrieve the item he needed. As he turned the corner from the hallway to the living room, he heard a woman's voice, "Why there's that vampire son of mine."

"Why are you home?" Sora asked as he slowly made his way to the couch. He knew there was no way he could ignore a conversation with his mother, especially when he had spent the past five days locked away in his room.

"Sora, Sora, Sora, what am I going to do with you?" his mother smiled and patted the boy's head. "I took the day off to make sure you're not dying. I have to be a mom at some point."

"Thanks…" Sora said, trying to make his voice sound as apathetic as humanly possible.

The woman pulled Sora close to her body, "Why didn't you tell me about Riku and you breaking up?"

"Didn't want to talk about it," Sora answered simply. He reached for his laptop and pulled it into his eyes, his gaze locked with his mother's. After a moment of awkward staring, he averted his eyes from hers and stared down at the floor, forcing out a cough. "I still don't really want to. You know how these things are." At least he was hoping she did. After all, women were supposed to be the emotional ones, right?

"Talking about it helps, you know," she hummed knowingly, walking over to Sora. Gracefully, she placed a pale hand onto her son's shoulder, forcing a softened smile onto her lipstick-covered lips. "When you feel up to finally talking about it, I'm here."

"Thanks, mom," he answered. He knew he wouldn't _ever_ be up to 'talking about it' but he wasn't in the mood to argue and further upset his mother. She was trying her best to be helpful and who was Sora to break this motherly moment? He honestly didn't have the heart to. He loved her too much.

"Now, get back up to your room and _rest_," she urged, making shooing motions at him. A playful smile was on her lips. Caring. That was possibly the simplest way to describe her.

"All right, all right, I'm going," Sora groaned, marching back over to the stairs. He purposely trekked up them slowly, his ascent talking longer than usual. When he felt his mother's gaze drilling holes into his back, he sped up the climb.

After a brief walk, Sora returned to his bedroom and closed the door. He sighed. Part of him did want to talk about the breakup, but he knew, somehow, he would end up slipping, just as he had with Roxas. The last thing he wanted was for his mother to know he had sex. No, that he had had sex with a guy that wasn't his boyfriend. But most importantly, know that Sora had had sex, without a relationship, and had contradicted a disease due to the lack of protection and his pure stupidity. That was _not_ something you told your mother when you loved her. Sora just didn't want to hurt her and have her look down upon him for his _stupid_ mistake.

With a groan, Sora walked over to his bed with the laptop, still having the intent to look that number up. He knew he had to at some point before Roxas came home from school. If he didn't have an appointment by the time Roxas came to check up on him, Lord knows what would happen. Reluctantly, he pressed the small button in the corner and turned on the laptop.

As the computer booted, Sora sat quietly. He had purposefully ignored the Internet. He knew he would check his mail. Myspace and Facebook only to find various comments and messages from his "friends." Sora was not ready to answer them. He double-clicked on the browser and resisted the urge to check Myspace. Instead, he went to Google and typed in the words he had typed a year or so prior. It almost stung as his fingers pressed the keys to spell out "HIV clinic San Francisco, California."

The search brought up more results than necessary. He clicked on one at random. He didn't feel like reading over his choices. He knew that he had made too many bad ones to count and didn't feel like making any more. The screen loaded, as did the contact information. Sure enough, the clinic was located about three miles from Sora's house. He knew he had to make the call, and he knew he should do it while him mother thought he was resting.

Sora took a deep breath and dialed the number on his cell. For a moment he wondered if his mother would check their cell phone bill at the end of the month, but he then realized she probably wouldn't care enough to look up the number. The phone rang in his ear and suddenly an overly excited female answer, "Hope clinic. How can I help you?"

"Uhh… I need to get tested." Sora's voice sounded like a whisper.

"Ok. What for and when?" the lady asked. Sora could hear her typing in the background. "Just so you know, we don't have any openings until Monday."

Sora paused. It was only Thursday. "Well, I think I have HIV. I mean, I got tested before, but my brother wants me to get tested again. I am sick and he's worried…" His voice tailed off.

More sounds of typing filled the phone. "If you can get here Saturday at 8:00 a.m. we can fit you in. Especially if you're getting sick and say you have been tested positive before, you should get in as soon as possible."

Saturday would work. His mother went to work at five on those days and returned around three or two. Leaving the house at eight to go to the clinic would provide Sora with just the right amount of time to get the stupid test done and then return home. He didn't want to prolong this anymore than he had to. "That'll be great, thank you."

"Your name, sir?" she asked, the distinct clicking of a mouse and background noise filling the phone. People were talking. Some part of Sora strived to figure out what those conversations were about. Were they regarding people's lives being ruined from the results like his had been? Sora highly doubted it. Things like this just didn't occur every day. If they did, they usually weren't talked about.

"Sora Kayaki," he mumbled. Shame filled him to the brim. It flooded his veins and made him feel a bit queasy. Someone knew that he had HiV. Someone other than Roxas and Axel, that was. Even if the person didn't know him personally, they knew. For some reason, that information bothered the brunet immensely this time around. Perhaps because he had ended it with Riku because of this stupid disease.

"All right. Eight a.m., this Saturday. The doctor will see you then," she stated, her nasally voice drilling holes into Sora's clogged head.

"Thank you," Sora gritted out again, hand limply holding the phone to his ear. "I'll be there," he felt the need to add on.

"Have a nice day, sir," she responded before hanging up on the brunet.

She hadn't even waited for a good bye. That bothered Sora. No one said good bye these days. A sudden wave of pain filled Sora's heart as he was taken back to the day of his and Riku's break-up. His eyes watered as he realized he never said good bye to Riku.

Sora had been doing so well that day. He had hardly thought about the break-up; he had hardly thought at all. And now, now he was a mess all over his bed. Sora's mind went back to that day and circled around its events. The last words he had said to Riku were that it would only hurt him in the end. Sora choked on his tears.

Then, Sora thought about what would have happened if he would have just said, "I can't. I have HIV." Sora had always assumed Riku would flip over Sora waiting until then to say anything and then become homicidal at the mention of who gave him the disease. But what if Riku didn't flip? What if he was as understanding about the situation as Roxas and didn't care who Sora had sex with? Then what? Would he still be with Riku?

Sora's body curled into a ball as the laptop slid of the bed. Sora heard the electronic hit the ground and didn't care that he had probably destroyed $1500 worth of technology. The fact that he had _assumed_ that the love of his life would have been as ass about him having HIV had crippled his mind. It bothered Sora so much to think about how he had automatically thought the worst would have happened when Riku had never done a thing wrong to him in all his life. Sora felt the size of a grain of sand. He hadn't given Riku a chance to be an ass; he just ran away.

Before Sora knew what he was doing, he was groping around for his phone. Fumbling, he flipped it open and dialed in the number he had committed to memory. He needed to hear the other's voice. Shakily, he lifted the phone to his ear and listened to the ringing. Once. Twice. Thrice. On the fourth ring, the voice mail picked up and Sora's heart nearly shattered once more onto the floor beside his laptop. Riku always picked up his cell phone. The only times he never did was when _they_ were together and he didn't feel like interrupting their time together. Sora's stomach churned. Riku was never without his phone. Was Riku…ignoring his calls?

Sora's stomach dropped, as did his phone. Instead of meeting the same demise as his laptop, the phone landed on the bed beside him. "What have I done…" he whispered; his mind too fuzzy to think correctly. Leaving Riku a message would have sufficed. Hell, he could have calmly asked Riku to call him later and then worked this entire thing out. He could have done so much more, but he just ran away from his problems again.

"I'm such an idiot," Sora muttered in repugnance to himself. Where could he go now considering he had hit rock bottom? He felt so damn weak all of a sudden. "A coward," he corrected, banging his head against the soft blankets on his mattress.

Sora was about to go into another fit of rants when his door opened. Sora's eyes flickered to the now opened object and met his brother's gaze. Roxas. Oh dear. Was it already that late in the day? How long had he been sitting around, wallowing in his self-pity and mistakes? Probably a long while. Damn, he was such a weakling.

"Sora?" Roxas asked, taking a step with obvious vacillation. Sora treated his laptop like god—second to Riku, of course—and now it was on the floor, obviously suffering. Something was afoot once more.

Sora slightly lifted his head from the sheets. His eyes met Roxas'. "He…He didn't answer." And just as quickly as Sora had seen Roxas, the brunet's head was back in the sheets, crying softly into them.

Roxas was about to question Sora's response, when he saw Sora's phone abandoned. He picked up the phone and saw the last call on there was one to Riku. "Sora, he was probably driving home from school." He sat next to his brother's limp body and stroked his obviously unwashed hair. "He doesn't answer while driving, you know that."

The boy sniffled and sat up. He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and nodded. "You're right," he said as he adjusted himself so he was sitting against a wall. He needed its support. He was growing weaker by the hour. "Roxas, how is he?"

Sora noticed Roxas pause before answering. He took this pause into consideration as Roxas replied: "He's ok. Hanging out with Namine's cousin, Olette, who's in from Ohio tonight, I think."

If Roxas hadn't paused before telling Sora about this Olette, he wouldn't have thought twice about her. He would have thought Riku was trying to be a nice guy, but now Sora thought the worst. "Why is he hanging out with a girl?"

The blond knew this would happen. He knew Sora would see through his act of trying to keep Sora out of the loop. "I don't really know. They met yesterday at Nam's café. They're seeing a movie tomorrow night, I think. You should call him back later…" Roxas let his voice become silent. He had seen the pair together earlier. He saw the way Riku had looked at the girl. But he also saw how shallow and uninteresting the girl was. As Sora's eyes filled with water Roxas jumped in to save him, "Look, she's nothing compared to you. You have half a brain. She's just a pretty face. If anything, she'll be a week rebound, if that."

"But!" Tears leaked from Sora's eyes, despite how hard he willed them to remain in his eyes. He hated crying. He hated appearing weak in front of Roxas and himself. God, he hated it so much, but he couldn't help it. "He'll be with someone else. Holding someone else and kissing them and…and I don't think I can handle that, Roxas!" He was being immature, childish, and greedy. He had been the one to break it off and now he was being a possessive idiot about the whole entire ordeal.

"Sora," Roxas said sternly. "You know Riku. He's not into girls that much. I doubt he could go from loving you to her this quickly. It'll be a week, at most!" he continued, trying to push the fact that Riku probably wasn't going to start anything serious again for awhile. However, both brothers knew that Riku always _had_ been the serious type. And the fear that things _might_ get serious loomed in the room like the black elephant it was.

"What if they get serious? What if I figure out a way to be with Riku again and live with this disease?! What if he marries the girl and has kids! Oh my god what if they have sex and I'm not his first and she gets pregnant and they fall in love and oh my god!" Sora was ranting hysterically, his hands flying to his hair to tug at it. "I can't let this happen, Roxas!"

Roxas blinked. "Sora, deep breaths."

"I'm losing the love of my _life_ because I slept with Axel! Why do I always make the worst decisions!" he hollered to himself. He didn't even realize the Freudian slip until Roxas stared at him, mortified. Silence. More silence. And then…

"You slept with Axel?..."

Sora paled. "I did not just say that," he whispered to himself. Oh god. He had to act quickly. "I mean I!"

Roxas blinked a few times. "Wait." It was fitting together in his head. "You slept with _Axel? _He's the one that gave you this?" The blond held his head, fingers massaging his forehead. It was clear that this knowledge had disturbed him. "You better not be lying to me Sora or I am going to make your life a living _hell_," he spat, suddenly defensive. And when Roxas was defensive, he was afraid.

Sora realized if he were to lie to Roxas and say he meant someone else, it would all blow up to even greater proportions. The damage was done, and oh, how he secretly wished he could have slipped this information to Riku once or twice throughout their rather long relationship. Sora shook his head and brought himself back into reality; a reality where he had just told his brother he had slept with Axel…"I'm done lying. Especially to my family. It was before you two had a 'thing.' Way before. He was the one…"

"I should have freakin known!" Roxas interrupted Sora's explanation.

Suddenly, something very odd happened: Roxas was, crying? Not only crying, he was _sobbing_ into Sora's lap. Sora, utterly confused, simply patted his brother's blond hair.

"Sora," Roxas said as he looked to his twin. "He told me today. He told me he had HIV. I said I didn't care; we could work around it. He… He asked me out."

Sora sensed he should keep quiet. He knew Roxas wasn't finished.

After a few moments of intense crying, Roxas looked up, once more, "I can't believe I fell for someone who did _this_ to you!" The words were spoken much louder than Sora expected.

Sora took a deep breath in. "Roxas, it was a long time ago," he idly stroked his brother. How quickly they had changed places. A few minutes ago Roxas was comforting Sora. "If you like him, go for it. People change, you know."

"It's not just that," Roxas sat up and began to calm himself down. "It's the fact that I could tell he was proud of his decision to be truthful, and yet, he was hiding the most important fact of his story."

"Don't take this all out on Axel. We both agreed to not say a word to anyone…" Sora remembered the last time the two had spoke, really spoke to each other. It was an awkward conversation. He shook the memory out of his head. Sora's need to feel self-pity was temporarily gone. "If he told you he had HIV, then that says a lot. He's willing to be honest with you. Besides…if you agreed to go out with him knowing it, the fact that he gave it to me shouldn't change anything."

Roxas shifted uncomfortably, looking away. "It's just that he didn't do anything to protect both of you is what bothers me. Did he?"

Sora was soon regretting his decision to not lie anymore. "He was drunk, Roxas. He wasn't thinking right. And I was just being an idiot. I wanted it badly. Not so much Axel but it, considering at the time I doubted Riku even liked me. And now all this happened and I'd do anything to take back that day."

Roxas sighed and laced his hands awkwardly in his lap. He decided to change the subject momentarily. "…Did you call yet to make an appointment, Sora?"

"I did," the brunet said, his tears slowly drying up now that he had had his fit of anger and rage and confusion. "I have an appointment this Saturday. Mom will be working so we can go together," he breathed in relief. "Roxas, you know that this test won't change anything, you know."

"I want proof," Roxas argued, looking at Sora sternly. "I want to see solid proof that you have it."

Sora nodded and averted his gaze. "You know, I'm kinda jealous," he murmured.

Roxas paused; having been staring at Sora's broken laptop for a moment or two. His gaze returned to Sora and he stared at him questioningly. "About what? That I have a boyfriend now?" Now he was confused. Sora wasn't the jealous type at all. Usually it was Roxas. This was a peculiar situation, to say the least.

"No. That you and Axel actually talked about the whole thing and still decided to date," he whispered, lowering his gaze in shame. "I…" Pause. "I should have said something to Riku…Now it's too late."

"Don't be so down," Roxas, who had fully recovered from his momentary spiral into crying, said. "Axel probably only told me because he saw from you and Riku what would happen if he didn't."

"Oh great. Now I'm a mistake to learn from," Sora pouted as he dramatically threw himself to the bed.

"Stop. Just stop. You're trying to fix the situation. You're getting tested again. Then you're going to tell Riku everything. And, since Riku loves you and all, he'll take you back. Case closed," Roxas leaned back onto some pillows.

Sora shook his head. "Not that easy anymore. There's Olette now…" Sora didn't want to cry. He was done crying. It didn't solve anything, only gave more headaches. Still, Sora could feel the hot tears begin to emerge.

"Jesus," Roxas sighed. "Look, I told you, she's nothing special. She's just pretty and kinda dumb. Riku will realize this and move on. Plus, she's only here for a little while." Roxas noticed how his words were rolling off of Sora's head and not sinking in. "Sora, you're a wonderful person. You care more about Riku than most of his family. You've always been there for him. He will come back. You just have to give him the opportunity to do so."

"I guess…" Roxas had a point. Riku's parents were hardly ever around and never paid much attention to him. When Riku had come out to them, all they could say was something along the lines of "At least we won't have kids to worry about."

"I know I'm right," Roxas smiled as he spotted Sora's phone. "Now call Riku and make plans for Saturday night. You have to tell him, and sooner rather than later is a good choice."

When Roxas told Sora to do something, Sora did it and tried not to question. It had always been that way. Sora hit Riku's speed dial number and held the phone to his hear. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Sora grew anxious. He said a small prayer that he would answer. Just as he was about to give up and hang up the phone, Riku's voice said: "Hello?"

"Hey," Sora said, relief flooding into his voice. "It's me," he added on, feeling the need to state such, though he guessed that Riku already knew who it was by the voice. After all, they had been together for so long and had had countless, hour long discussions on the phone together. Riku must know his voice by now.

"Sora?" He seemed a bit surprise. "Did you try calling earlier?"

"Yeah," Sora said, fidgeting nervously as he kept his gaze away from Roxas. "I couldn't get a hold of you and figured I'd just call you back, you know, instead of leaving a message and all." He laughed uneasily. He wanted to say so much but he felt the need to remain silent. He didn't want to ruin things when he, perhaps, was finally progressing.

"Was running an errand for my mom," Riku explained, chuckling a bit. The laugh soothed Sora. "So, what's up? Feeling any better?"

The care also relieved Sora. "A bit," he admitted, looking to his brother. "I should be fine by tomorrow, but I'm going to stay home, just in case." He looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom, wishing that Saturday was tomorrow and not Friday. Damn it. "So I don't get sick again," he added to the end.

"That's a good idea," Riku agreed, sounding as positive as ever. Although Riku doing well relieved the brunet he began silently wondering if Riku even wanted to get back together. No. Of course he did. Riku loved him. Love couldn't just disappear over the course of a week or less. It just couldn't.

"How are you?" Sora asked casually.

"Good, thanks," Riku responded, sounding relaxed and just as amazing as ever. Sora knew that he just had to ask now. No other time would be better for such a question.

"Hey, I was wondering if you were busy Saturday night?..." When Sora and Roxas had talked about it, it didn't sound like a date. But now it did. Sora felt a bit uneasy at this statement. Nervously, he waited for Riku's response and reaction. What if Riku didn't want to see him now that they had broken up? Hell, maybe even Sora deserved that.

Sora heard Riku shift his weight through the phone. A few seconds went by before Riku answered Sora's question: "Sorry, I was checking the planner. I don't think I have anything to do. Why do you ask?"

Sora let out the air he had been holding in. At least it wasn't a hell no go away, Sora thought to himself. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over. I uhh I need some help with make-up work and miss hanging out." The last part of his statement was spoken very fast.

"Are you sure you want to see me? I mean you did just…" Riku's voice trailed off. Sora sensed a little pain in his ex-boyfriend's voice. The brunet felt like shit for hurting the love of his life, his best friend. It was a little reassuring that Riku still was hurt, maybe that meant he didn't really like Olette. Or maybe it meant that Riku just _thinking_ about Sora was causing unbearable pain to the silveret. Sora shuddered at the thought of causing so much pain to the one he loved.

"But we're still friends, right? And friends hang out on Saturday nights," Sora explained. Even if Riku didn't take Sora back, even if Sora did have HIV, they could still be friends. Sora hoped they could be.

Rikue chuckled, "Yeah, I guess you're right." Sora heard a brief pause; he figured it was Riku's phone cutting out. "Hey, Sora? Ol—I mean I have another call coming in. I'll call you later and we'll work out a time."

"OK. Have a good day, Riku," Sora had noticed Riku almost say "Olette." Sora was sure he would cry about this later, or now. A tear formed in the corner of his eye.

"You, too. Take more medicine. I'm worried about you, kid," Riku said. For having to get off the phone so quickly, Riku sure was taking his time. Sora wasn't sure whether or not that was a good sign or a bad one. His heart wasn't in the mood to distinguish such a thing in this fragile state.

"Thanks," Sora managed to say, trying to hold back the small tears at the mere idea of someone else trying to claim _his_ Riku, even if _he_ had been the one to end it. Sora's stomach churned again and again. "I'll let you get to that other call. Talk to you later," Sora said, listening to Riku's short response. Before either hung up, Sora tossed in a flustered, hurried, "Miss you." And then hung up, tossing the phone onto the bed shakily.

"Smooth," Roxas commented, eying his brother. "I doubt he understood that. Then again, If I did, I bet he did." The blond sighed but paused when he noticed the hurt in Sora's eyes. "Hey, what's wrong, Sora?"

Sora looked away for a moment. "Olette was calling him so he cut our conversation short," he mumbled, hurt evident in his voice. "See? He's already choosing her over me. He's moving on with his life, Roxas." Sora's voice was quiet towards the end. A broken whisper.

"I'm sure he just didn't want to seem impolite," Roxas pointed out, a frown appearing on his face. "At any rate, you're going to see him on Saturday now. That should help?...Plus, we'll have the results and…"

"What if Riku doesn't take me back?" Sora decided, his gaze dropping to the ground. "What if he thinks I'm a burden because I have this stupid disease? What if he can't live without having a boyfriend, _or_ girlfriend that he can have sex with?"

Roxas scoffed. "Sora, Riku doesn't seem like that type. I…"

"I don't know," Sora said, staring up at the ceiling. "All I know is that he's going out with her tomorrow night and I'm not gonna be the one beside him at the movies. Do you realize how hard this is gonna be for me to accept?" He sat down, resting his limp body against the bed. "Just to sit here and let someone else try and court him? Gods, Roxas. I didn't expect this to be so hard."

"Life's always hard," Roxas answered, sitting back down beside Sora. He ruffled his brother's hair. "Just don't do anything rash, okay? Things will turn out the way they were meant to be in the end, trust me."

Sora was having a hard time believing that, especially when the fates were pointing in favor that he and Riku were never going to get back together. Fate sucked some times.

**xxxxxxxxx**

Riku blinked at his phone, staring at it with obvious confusion at the conversation he had just had with Sora. Momentarily, he completely forgot the brunette on the other line who was patiently waiting for him to flash over. He just sat there, holding the phone. Had he heard a...a 'miss you'?

Riku shook his head. Sora had broken up with him. Sora had left him because Riku wanted sex and Sora didn't. That was that. But still, something nagged at Riku's insides at the thought of Sora missing him. The fact that Sora had called him, twice, in one day was marvelous in itself. The beeping from the call waiting finally registered in Riku's head. He quickly flashed over, "Sorry, Olette. I was talking to—my friend." Riku purposefully left out Sora's name. He knew Olette would ask too many questions.

"It's okay," she giggled. The giggling for no reason kind of made Riku twitch. Dating girls was something Riku would have to get used to all over again. "Do you want me to let you go?"

The truth was, Riku did want to go. He wanted to call Sora back and tell him he missed the brunet more than anything. He wanted to pour his heart out to Sora. He wanted to tell Sora that no matter what, Olette would never work out. Then he realized that Sora probably only missed him as a friend. "It's ok. What's up?"

"I was just wondering what time you were getting me tomorrow," Olette said. It was a simple question, but still, Riku paused.

It just hit him that he was going out on a _date_ with someone other than Sora. He was going to be alone, with a girl, and not with Sora. Riku tensed; he knew he had to go through with the date. He knew it would be for the best. "I'll get you around 6 p.m. We'll get something to eat and see the 7:40 showing. OK?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you then," Riku could hear Olette's smile in her words. She did have a beautiful smile, but was it as amazing as Sora's? He smacked himself in the head. He needed to stop comparing this poor girl to Sora. She didn't deserve to be judged.

"Alright," was Riku's simple response.

"Well…I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye, Riku," Olette said.

"Yeah. Talk to you then. Bye," He hung up. Wow, he thought to himself, did I just sound like a jerk to her? He could have sparked up a conversation about anything, but instead, he chose to think about Sora. His ex was ruining what little of a relationship he had with this girl.

He stared at the phone and scrolled down to Sora's name. If Riku could only press send and tell Sora he missed him too, what would happen? Either Sora would give him a sad story about how they needed to move on and just be friends, or something else. The latter seemed impossible and the prior was gleaming brightly. Riku held the phone, his finger indecisively resting over the button. Mostly all of him knew that this whole Olette thing was going to turn into something big and nasty, considering, even on the phone, he couldn't keep his mind off Sora. So, at the movies, he highly doubted he'd even be able to _touch_ her without feeling guilt. Without thinking about Sora and quickly pulling away. He groaned, and instead of calling the brunet, decided upon a simple text. Sora could interpret it any way he wanted to, just as Riku had done, and he wouldn't need to explain.

He pressed send and then went to work on his homework.

'_Miss you too, Sora.'_


	4. chapter four

**_good lord we got this chapter out fast. so a fast update was in need. um. emotional chapter. yay. thanks for all the reviews, gosh we love you all. please leave one if you can. not much else to say, haha._**

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* * *

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**_Breakdown  
_**

Sora sat on his bed and Roxas sat close by. He was about to say something about how Olette was ruining his life when he felt something vibrate. He looked around his bed and found his dejected cell phone. Only a few minutes earlier he had been speaking with Riku, and now, now Riku was texting him?

The brunet cautiously opened his phone, as if sudden movements would make the text disappear. Blue eyes read over the short text, 'Miss you too, Sora.' And just like that, Sora's heart stopped. He fell over and clutched the phone close to his chest.

"Sora? You alright?" asked Roxas who thought Sora was having a small seizure. Just as the blond was about to ask a second time how his brother was, Sora handed Roxas the cell.

"Look!" Sora said with a smile. That's all Sora could muster up to say. Riku _missed_ him. Even if Riku just missed Sora being around, the point was, there was missing action coming from Riku's direction.

Roxas looked over the text and snickered. "Told ya he probably heard it." The blond handed the phone back to Sora. "So, where do we go from here?"

Sora closed the phone and placed it on his nightstand. "Well, I'm not texting him back tonight, that's for sure." He looked to Roxas or approval, which he got in the form of a nod. "So…umm…Can you and Axel maybe go with Riku and Olette tomorrow…? You know, just to make sure nothing serious happens?" Sora didn't look at Roxas. Instead he studied a spot on his blanket while he played with his hands nervously.

"So, let me get this straight. You want me to go on a date with Axel and your ex. And then…you want me to proceed to sabotage Riku's date with a girl I barely know for the pure sake that Riku may or may not like my brother, still?" Roxas looked to Sora for a reaction.

Sora looked up at his brother and nodded slowly.

"Of course I'll do it!" Roxas smiled and threw a pillow at Sora. "You are my brother after all."

"Thank you so much, Roxas," Sora sighed in relief and offered him the biggest smile he could muster up. "If Riku misses me, just as friend, even, there's still hope. I just don't want him to get caught up with a girl, you know?" He was hoping that Roxas would get where he was coming from. When people went through breakups their emotions were unstable and it would be just Sora's luck that Riku would suddenly assume he was falling for Olette. God, that'd be horrible!

"We'll see," Roxas decided. "Now, I have to get home and do my homework. I'll keep you in touch with what happens tomorrow night!" He got up.

"Thanks," Sora breathed, smiling warmly at his brother. Tomorrow. Tomorrow Riku would be on a date and Sora would be dreading the next day—the second test.

**_xxxxxxxx_**

Riku picked Olette up at six, as promised, the next day, Friday. He brought the peppy, and yet horribly boring, brunette to a small burger joint near the movies. The girl had complained, just a smidge, about how she detested burgers. Riku had argued and said that it was the only place around that they could get a quick dinner. She didn't fight back. Riku missed the friendly arguments he had when he was dating Sora. They'd bicker like an old married couple. Sometimes they would get mad but they always made up with amazing kisses.

"I've always loved Will Smith," Olette had begun, holding her 'turkey burger' gingerly in her hands as she eyed her date from across the table. He seemed distracted but she said nothing about it—she just brought up something else to start a conversation with him. She hated silence more than anything, apparently.

"That so?" Riku murmured, not really paying attention. He hadn't talked to Sora all day. He promised himself that when he got home from his date he'd text the brunet. He would. He had to.

"Yep!" Olette said, not as cheerfully as one would perceive. She went back to lamely chewing on her meal, not really paying that much attention as well.

Riku glanced at his cell. It was only 7 p.m. now. He had no idea how to fill the next 30 minutes with conversation before meeting Axel and Roxas at the theater. Oh how Riku was thanking the heavens that Roxas had invited himself and Axel along. Riku looked at Olette and wondered what he had seen in the girl in the first place.

"Back in Ohio, all we do is go to movies. There's nothing to do," she said after a few moments.

Riku looked up from his dinner and nodded. "There's nothing to do here, either. Just seems that way because you're new." Riku noted that he should try to be nicer to Olette. He had asked her out and she was a nice, sweet girl a few days ago. Perhaps she was just having an off day. "I'll show you around some time. You'll see what I'm talking about." He smiled at the girl.

Olette smiled and giggled. "Is there a mall around? I really need to buy cooler clothes." She sipped on her soft drink and never took her eyes off Riku.

"Yeah. We have huge one a few miles away. We'll go sometime next week," Riku promised and yet didn't want to follow through. Sure, Olette had a pretty face, and was nice-ish, but she was lacking something. Riku looked at the girl and looked away. He realized it; Olette was a girl. Before Sora, Riku had just opted to not date that often, or at all. After Sora, Riku realized the reason he didn't feel the same for Olette as Sora was probably because Olette was not male. He sighed and slouched in his chair; it was going to be a long night.

* * *

**_xxxxxxxx_**

Soon enough, dinner was over. The two covered such topics as weather, Will Smith, shopping, music and college. None of which were that exciting for Riku, all though Olette seemed to be rather pleased with Riku's company. Riku drove quickly to the theater and toward the salvation it held.

Riku wasn't used to someone actually _allowing_ him to pay for their drinks and ticket. What he _was_ used to was Sora kissing him senseless until Riku allowed his boyfriend to pay for himself. Now, Olette was willingly letting Riku pay for her. The silveret wasn't certain if he liked the change or not. He had always loved a challenge and a good debate—something Sora had always supplied him with. Now that he was without that, Riku felt a bit lost. He didn't say anything to the brunette about it. He'd rather keep these things to himself. Bothering his date about his ex wasn't really a smart idea.

"Where do you want to sit?" Riku asked as they entered the cinema. Roxas and Axel hadn't arrived yet so he figured he'd just motion for them when he saw them. Easy. Simple. In the meantime, he turned to his pretty date, watching her grin.

"Second to last row, of course!" she stated firmly. At once, she began ascending the stairs. Riku followed after her, carrying both their drinks as the brunette brought the large popcorn up the stairs.

Olette shuffled into the second to last row. The teen took a seat and patted the folded theater seat beside her, setting the popcorn on the armrest. Riku took a seat, eying the armrest. How many times had he and Sora pulled back the stupid thing and snuggled way too close during the movie? How many times had they _not_ paid attention and made out? A feeling of guilt and depression loomed over Riku as he stared at the theater seats.

"Something wrong?" the brunette asked, burying her hand into the popcorn. She held a few buttery puffed kernels in her hands and eyed her date.

"Nah, I'm okay," Riku responded quickly. The silveret took a seat and shifted to get comfortable. He handed Olette her drink before taking a sip of his own. Sora always shared a drink with him. Damn it… Why couldn't he not stop thinking about him? "Good choice," Riku said after a moment, gesturing to their seats.

"Thanks," Olette hummed as she continued munching, sipping eagerly on her drink.

Riku leaned back onto his seat. He read the crappy trivia that played on the screen. Olette was making no effort in making conversation. A sigh passed through his lips as he closed his eyes. Riku could hear Olette loudly chewing her popcorn. Then, just as Riku was drifting into some weird stage of half sleep/half awake, something warm and sticky hit his face. He opened his eyes to see approximately 20 pieces of popcorn all over his face, and Axel smirking in front of him.

"Mind if we sit here?" Axel said as he took the seat behind Riku.

"Do I have a choice?" Riku laughed, silently thanking God for his friends' presence.

Roxas moved to the seat behind Olette. He grabbed his cell from his pocket and silently went to work. He let Sora know they were in the theater and that Roxas would keep him posted. Roxas felt a little wrong spying on Riku, but Sora was his brother, and Olette was an idiot. Really, he was doing both Sora and Riku a favor.

Olette turned around and waved at the two boys. "Hi! Riku took me to get burgers. It was fun."

Riku raised an eyebrow. He remembered how about an hour ago this girl was complaining about the burgers, now she was bragging? Riku shook his head. There were reasons why he didn't date girls. This was definitely one of them.

Axel seemed bored with Olette's small talk and changed the subject, "So, this movie. I heard Will Smith does pull-ups shirtless. Totally excited." Roxas elbowed his new boyfriend. Axel smiled at the blond, "Don't worry, he has nothing on you, sweetheart." Axels' arm wrapped around Roxas' body, pulling him in tight for a hug.

Riku saw this motion and cringed. His heart began to swell. It pounded quickly and hurt severely. He missed hugging. He looked at Olette. The lights dimmed and she smiled at him and pointed to the screen. Riku wanted to wrap his arms around her…or so he thought at that second.

Riku missed the way that he always missed the beginning and middle of the movie because he was too busy eating his boyfriend's face off. He missed how assertive Sora sometimes acted and how bold he sometimes got in the safety of the theater. God, he missed the affection so damn much. Almost as much as watching the end of the movie he went to see and not understanding any of it at all. He blamed Sora for it. Now, he figured, he'd be watching the movie all the way through. Damn.

"I love him so much," Olette began sighing happily at any mention of Will Smith. Riku eyed her for a moment. He doubted that she would mind an arm around her. Riku shifted in his seat, scooting closer to the edge of his. After a moment of deliberation, he raised his arm casually. Before he could slip his arm around the skinny girl's shoulders, a kernel hit right below his eye, causing him to stop. The silveret flinched and pulled back in his seat.

He looked back to Roxas who was sitting there innocently, chewing away on his candy and holding Axel's hand, seemingly. Riku glared, half in irritation and half in envy. He grumbled and went back to grumpily sitting there, not really paying attention.

It was a bit later into the movie when Riku attempted, yet again, for some contact. His hand slyly made his way over to Olette's. Her hand was positioned conveniently on her leg closest to Riku, near her lap. His hand inched closer, missing the feel of someone else's in his. When he took hers, she looked at him briefly then back to the movie. Her fingers didn't feel quite as Riku imagined. They were slightly sinewy, boney, and just not…as what he pictured they'd be. It didn't feel as right as…

Another round of popcorn was thrown at him. Angrily, Riku tossed a glare over his shoulder back at Roxas who was glaring right back at him. Something about that look Roxas gave him caused him to weakly let go of Olette's hand. To cover for this, he reached for his drink and took a sip. God fucking damn. What was wrong with him?!

Riku sat quietly the rest of the movie. He didn't dare even look at Olette. He didn't even know if he _wanted_ to look at Olette. The whole situation seemed surreal. He didn't know why, but he just wanted out of that theater. He felt as if Roxas' gaze was burning a hole in his head.

The credits started rolling and the group rose. Olette was yapping about Will Smith being half naked was sexy while Axel was agreeing. Riku laughed at the scene and then turned to see Roxas. The look the blond was shooting him could have cut diamonds. Riku straightened his posture and kept walking.

The group reached the lobby and everyone stopped. Riku, despite Roxas' glare, walked over to Olette. He gave the girl a hug and pulled back. "I'm glad you liked them movie," he said, pulling a smile out of his ass.

"It was fun. We'll do it again," Olette nodded.

Riku nodded and just as he was about to hug the girl one last time and say his goodbyes to his friends, Roxas came walking between the two.

"This," Roxas pointed to Olette and Riku. "This needs to stop, now."

Riku blinked at Roxas' statement. He opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, but Roxas filled it with his own words: "Look, I get it. You're trying to use Olette to get over Sora, but I'm sorry, she is nothing compared to Sora. And you, you claim to love my brother? I'm sure real love would withstand a week of separation. But no, here you are, flirting with Namine's cousin? A girl?!" Roxas lowered his head. "You know what, maybe you don't know what love is."

The words stabbed through Riku. Who was _Roxas_, of all people, to say something like that to him?! The silveret narrowed his eyes, He might have agreed with the first statement, but the next few? Those just entirely pissed the taller off. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Roxas? Sora and I broke up. The end. It's over. I'm _trying_ to move on with my life," he snapped.

"So instead of trying to get back together you're courting the first person you see?!" Roxas hollered, his frustration reaching its peak. First Sora and Riku breaking up, then Sora's disease, then Axel being the one to have given Sora that disease…it was all too much to keep bottled inside for any one person.

"Roxas," Axel said, reaching out and tugging on his boyfriend's arm. "Shorty, calm down," he urged, arms wrapping around the yelling blond from behind, trying to calm him down. Hugs usually worked in these types of heated situations. Most of the time, anyway.

"I doubt you even _loved_ Sora!" Roxas shouted. "You just wanted in his pants, didn't you?!" Now he was shouting for no reason, saying whatever came to mind. How could you give up so easily on a person you loved? Didn't you fight for them? Why wasn't Riku fighting? The blond continued glaring daggers at Riku, making both the silveret and brunette extremely uncomfortable as Axel continued restraining Roxas from tackling Riku to the ground.

"Are you saying that I don't know what I want?" Riku growled, automatically reaching for Olette's hand. He interlaced their fingers possessively and gave the adjoined appendages a squeeze. "If anyone doesn't know what they want it's Sora!" Which was partially true…but Riku had no idea.

"Ass!" Roxas yelled, flailing in his red-headed boyfriend's grasp. "Lemme go! I want to kick his ass, Axel!"

"Riku, maybe we should—" Olette began but was silenced when Riku ended the entire yelling battle. He leaned down, tilted Olette's face up by her chin, and kissed her. Silence fell over the two couples. Roxas gaped at the scene, his body turning limp in Axel's arms. Olette stood there, unresponsive for a moment. She returned the kiss after a moment, a bit sloppily and all over the damn place with an unneeded boost of overzealousness. After a moment, Riku broke the kiss and glared daggers at Roxas and his boyfriend.

"You slut," Roxas deadpanned, his own eyes narrowing. "You never loved Sora at all! I can't believe he still loves you! You are an _ass_!" He was flailing about again. Innocent bystanders paused to watch the scene.

"Roxas…please, calm down," Axel urged, tightening his hold around the blond, refusing to let him go. "Maybe we should just let them go off and be whor—"

Riku was too busy to pay attention. His mind had stopped after the kiss. It felt so pointless. But with Sora he…

But with Sora he felt something. He felt his heart race and his blood warm. With Olette he felt…bored. Riku could faintly hear Roxas' curses but couldn't comprehend them. His eyes were glazed over , trying to take in the scene of the blond convulsing and saying things that were not suitable for children.

In the end, Riku turned around and walked away. He didn't say goodbye to Olette or Axel or Roxas. He just turned his body and began his short journey to his car. Just as he was about to exit the theater, though, he decided to wait for Olette. He assumed she was just saying goodbye to the others. So, he took a seat on a bench and watched movie previews on a giant TV.

Meanwhile, Roxas' mental state had taken a turn for the worse. He was thrashing about like an insane banshee. He had managed to break free of his boyfriend's grasp and looked him dead in the eye.

""How can you just sit there watch your two friends break up? Why didn't you say ANYTHING to Riku?" Roxas screamed. He didn't care that everyone in the lobby was watching the fight as if it were Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. "You just stand there and look so damn hot. I mean, you could have at least TOLD him!"

Axel had quite the puzzled look on his face. He glanced over to Olette, who was standing at the snack bar, and back to the aggravating blond standing before him. "Are you ok? What are you talking about?" He walked over to grab Roxas' hand and lead him to somewhere more private but was dissuaded when Roxas pulled his hand back.

"I am definitely not OK," Roxas panted. The whole scene was leaving him quite out of breath. "My brother and friend broke up, over something that could have been prevented, and now, now Riku's making out with that piece of shit." He gestured toward Olette.

Olette glared harshly at the statement. "Ass," she shot at the blond, pushing away from Roxas and Axel to the candy bar to likely cool off. The brunette stormed off and left the blond and redhead alone. She didn't even say goodbye to either. Not even a single look tossed over her shoulder.

"Roxas, what's _wrong_?" Axel demanded as he planted his hands firmly onto the blond's shoulders. His catlike eyes stared squarely at Roxas, urging the other to breath in and out. "You just completely blew up. Don't try telling me that's normal. What the hell were you talking about?"

Roxas inhaled and then exhaled deeply. The blue eyed blond eyed Axel for a moment. "It's nothing. I'm just tired of seeing Sora crying and being miserable. I just blew up at Riku. Listen, Axel, I'm sorry," he murmured, taking deep breaths.

"It's okay," Axel laughed, reaching up to ruffle the blond's hair. "As long as you're better now, it's all good. Just try to keep control of your temper, okay?" The redhead smirked and kissed his boyfriend's head mockingly. Roxas was about to retort with wiliness when his gaze locked on with Olette by the candybar.

The brunette female was already eagerly chatting with a black haired boy. Both were smiling excessively and blushes were apparent on both their cheeks. When Roxas squinted, he caught sight of an exchange of phone numbers and a slight hand brush. Angrily, Roxas looked away. He didn't have to look far to catch someone else staring. His heart dropped when he realized Riku was watching the entire thing. How much hurt could Riku possibly take in this short of a time?

The glare and anger present on Riku's face was obvious. He rose, slowly, from his seat and walked toward the counter. He didn't know what he would say to Olette, he just knew he had something to say. Olette must have thought Riku had left, but that didn't make the situation any better in Riku's mind.

He stood behind Olette and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. He opened his mouth to say something, but just then, Olette turned and filled his mouth with her own words:

"Don't even say anything," said the normally meek burnette. She lifted her heals and tried to stand eye-to-eye with Riku. "My advice to you is to not drag girls to movie theaters when you're obviously in love with a boy." She didn't glare at Riku, but she instead put her hand on her shoulder. "You're an okay kid, Riku."

With that, she turned around and completely cut-off her attention to Riku and placed it on the boy with black hair behind the counter.

Riku stood there and stared for a few moments. He had been told by his own date. He felt a tad paralyzed and didn't move until he felt someone pull his arm.

"We should probably leave, Riku," Roxas said. The blond didn't regret what he said to Riku; he only hope that Riku would actually take what he said to heart.

Riku nodded. "Yeah…Hey, Roxas?...Sorry for being an ass."

"It's cool," Roxas walked to Axel and took his hand. "I meant what I said, though."

"I know," Riku lowered his head. Just then he remembered he had yet to turn his phone off of silent. He pulled out the mobile communication device and held it in his hand. An idea popped in his head, "Should I text him?"

Roxas brought Axel back over to Riku, not wanting to lose track of either of the two males. The blond eyed the phone. "Go ahead, it won't do any harm. Just don't say anything that you'd rather say in person. Keep it simple," advised the blond. "Considering you two are going out on Saturday, right?" Nod from Riku. "Just…keep it simple until then, I suppose."

"All right," Riku sighed and typed in a quick text. He sent it and then pocketed his phone. His aquamarine eyes traveled from between Roxas and Axel. "Okay. Which one of you was throwing popcorn at me?" Death glare.

Roxas, who had the tendency of switching emotions at will, eyed Riku. "I swear it wasn't me," he stated incredulously, his blue gaze locking with Riku's. "It was all Axel."

Axel snorted and pointedly licked Roxas' neck. Tediously. Slowly. Tauntingly. "Yeah right," he muttered defensively against the blond's neck. When he felt Roxas shiver, he pulled back and smirked mischievously at his boyfriend. It had been a long night and a moment of spontaneous actions was definitely in order.

"Whatever," Riku concluded. He stared down at his watch. "Tonight sucked in general. I'm just going to head home, go online for a bit, and wait for tomorrow." He yawned, fatigue plaguing him.

"You do that," Roxas said, offering Riku a rare smile. "Have a good night," he told the silveret before tugging Axel off towards the doors of the theater to head home. Separately, of course.

* * *

**_xxxxxxxx_**

Sora sat on his bed, PS2 controller in hand. He had been playing Super Smash Brothers all night. The game's violent Nintendo characters were a good distraction from the fact that his Riku was out on a date with a girl.

He suddenly felt the urge to get online. He looked at his laptop, which lay broken on his floor and let out a sigh. When he felt a bit better he would have to take the thing to Best Buy; he was positive he had broken the disk drive.

The brunet stood from his bed and stretched. He hadn't received any texts from Roxas except for one saying they were in the theater. This worried him. Sora made his way to the basement where his dad kept the family desktop. He shivered as he took a seat, suddenly remembering why he had asked for a laptop a few Christmas' back.

Sora didn't bother with Myspace or Facebook. He knew Hayner and Kairi would probably have posted various comments asking if he was dead or not, but Sora didn't care. He checked his email and replied to all of his teachers that he was doing his homework and that Roxas was helping him with any problems.

Then Sora got the idea to write an entry in his Livejournal. It had been a week since he had done so. Sora decided to keep it short, like most of his entries:

"Riku and I broke up. It's all my fault. It's a long, convoluted story, and I won't bother you with it, but just know I am not OK. I am very sick right now. I am feeling a little better, but I don't know. I just want this whole mess to disappear. I want to be happy again. I miss him a lot right now. I should probably rest."

Just then, Sora felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled out the phone and there was a text from Riku. He quickly opened the text, 'Hey. Tonight sucked. Hope to see you tomorrow.'

Sora grinned at the text, not the fact that Riku had a bad night, but the fact that Riku had texted him at all. He sat, online, and debated what to text back when Riku signed online. _If Riku had a bad night, then that means the date went badly, right? _He pondered this for a moment. However, a better idea came to mind. Quietly, he pulled up a blank message and hurriedly texted his brother. '_How did it go?_'

It was a few moments before Roxas responded. Sora's phone vibrated and he hurriedly opened the new message. _'Dramatic. He kissed her.'_ Sora's heart dropped and he responded shakily with a, '_What?_' If Riku had kissed her then the date couldn't have been _that_ bad. The brunet's stopped flopped and then proceeded to drop onto the ground. Life was like a rollercoaster lately. A very, very bumpy one. Sora was lost in his thoughts when his brother replied with, '_Long story. Olette broke it off. Riku didn't care.'_

_Is that a good thing? _Sora thought weakly as he held his phone with a confused stare. Maybe there was hope. '_Okay. I'll…talk to Riku about it tomorrow. I'll see you first thing for the appointment, k?' _Over the years, Sora had developed a knack for texting rapidly, so it only took the brunet teen a few moments to compose and send said message.

Sora set his phone back on the desk and stared at his Livejournal. Silently, he debated sending Riku a message. The brunet shook his head. It was best to leave everything to be said until tomorrow…until after the tests. Sora wearily got up from the chair and turned the computer off, feeling a bit light-headed. Today had sucked, in general, and tomorrow looked no brighter. HiV Clinic… The only good part about the day was that he was going to see _Riku_. After what seemed like years.

"I can do this," Sora told himself as he marched slowly back into his bedroom, feeling suddenly tired and sick. "I can. I just have to calmly show him the test results when I get them, explain to him why I broke up…and see if he understands. If he does then I…I'll beg to date him again." His cheeks turned to fire at the mere thought of having to beg Riku for anything. Sora was not the begging type whatsoever. "If he doesn't then…then I've lost him forever."

Sora walked up stairs to go to bed. It had been a long, tiring day and he was so done with it. He slumped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. "…I hate irony," he decided.

**_xxxxxxxx_**

Riku spun his computer chair back and forth. He wanted to IM Sora; he really did, but he couldn't rack up the courage to do so. He stared at Sora's screen name until it disappeared.

A sigh left his lips and his scooted down in his chair. It was only 10 p.m. and Riku lacked the will to sleep. It was probably the worst night he had since Sora broke up with him. The night's events played over in his mind like a bad movie. He fast-forwarded to the end — the part where he had kissed Olette.

He hadn't kissed another person, let alone a girl, in over a year and a half. The idea sent shivers down his spine. He felt dirty, although, he had no reason to. Sora had broken up with him; he wasn't dating anyone anymore. So why did he feel so damn guilty. It was because, even though Sora was done with him, he wasn't done with Sora.

His hand clicked on Livejournal out of habit. Every time he was online he checked Sora's journal, even though it hadn't been updated since the breakup. He choked on his Pepsi when he saw the boy had updated. He quickly read over Sora's words and then froze.

The entry itself wasn't all that entertaining, but Riku kept reading it. Sora's not okay…Sora misses me? he thought. The idea that Sora wanted the mess to disappear and that he wanted to be happy again left Riku wondering just what would make the boy happy. Could he be hinting that he wants me back? Riku shook his head. The whole night was giving him a migraine.

Riku checked his phone, no text from Sora. Riku took a deep breath and clicked the link to add a comment. He wasn't really thinking clearly; he just knew he had to say something:

"Sora, I shouldn't have pressured you. I should have waited. It's my fault, too. Please know I care about you. You're all I ever think about. Even tonight, when I was with Olette, I couldn't get you out of my head. This breakup is killing me. You are my world, Sora. My light. I miss you so much. I…I still love you."

He quickly hit enter without thinking and closed the browser. He didn't want to think twice about what he had just typed, but he did anyway. He shouldn't be crawling back to Sora. He should be running away. Sora had broken his heart. Sure, Riku had instigated the whole sex thing, but Sora could have just talked it out. He didn't have to end it.

Riku sat on his computer chair for most of the night. He wasn't talking to anyone or doing anything; he just let iTunes blare in the background. He thought about everything that was happening in his life. He thought about Sora.

As he turned off his light and lay down in his bed, he put away all the emotions of hate and bitterness that had been filling his head. He knew Sora had to have some reason to leave him, something other than sex. He thought Sora could trust him enough to know that he would never force him into sex…

So, at that moment, as he was placing his head on his pillow, Riku decided something. He decided that no matter how Sora would take it, he was bringing up their relationship tomorrow. He would tell Sora that he loved him and demand him to be honest. Riku was not done with Sora because, if you truly love someone, you never give up.


	5. chapter five

**we** took awhile, didn't we?  
ahaha many things we have done. mostly rping. we got distracted.  
AND we co-writers met in real-life ;D what a grand affair that was. i don't think starbucks will ever be the same.  
Anyhow, one or two more chapters. i think maybe one? or two i don't know! **abstract** should.  
well, review, yes?

* * *

**Breakdown**

Riku's car wasn't anything to brag about. A '92 Chevy Cavalier that had too many miles to count on it, but at least it ran. He desperately needed it to run. He praised the gods as he turned the key and the engine roared. It was 8:00 a.m. He had to be at work by 9. Usually he could just walk to work, but this time was different. His first destination laid only two miles from his house.

He rolled down his window some and let the wind blow through his hair. He wasn't warm, just nervous. Riku was on his way to Sora's. He didn't know why he wanted to see the boy, but he felt like if he didn't see Sora soon, he would explode.

Riku pulled into Sora's driveway. He noticed that Sora's mother was still home. It wasn't that he didn't like Sora's mom, it was that he didn't feel like small talk. All Riku wanted was to go into Sora's room and wake the brunet up with a kiss. Riku silently wished it would be that easy but something inside him knew it wouldn't.

The door was unlocked. He considered knocking, but assumed he was still welcome. Sora's mom sat at the table, cup of coffee and newspaper in hand.

"Riku! So nice to see you!" she said with a cheesy grin.

"You too. Sora still upstairs?" Riku asked. He was actually a little happy to see Sora's mom, even if it meant small talk. She had always been nice to Riku.

She nodded. "Go on up, hunny. He's missed you."

Riku smiled. He needed not to question the woman's words. "Thanks," he said as he made his way to Sora's room.

It had been so long since he had seen his Sora. Sora was still his, right? Riku shook his head. The thought of Sora ever loving someone else was absurd. As moved closer to Sora's room, his heart began to race. The past few days seemed like a heavy blur in Riku's mind. Yes, he was comfortable saying that they _did_ happen and he was responsible for what he did but to think that they had actually broken up? His stomach churned as he made his way up the stairs. His hand gently held onto the rail as he ascended. How many times before had he ascended these stairs? Countless times he had Sora in his arms when he climbed these. And countless times they were engaged in a heavy make out session that ended with a few laughs and snuggling.

Riku drearily shook his head and stopped at the top of the stairs. He hadn't seen Sora for almost a week, maybe even longer (he had lost track of time) and here he was, about to see his ex boyfriend, and Sora had no idea that he was here. With a sigh, the silveret trekked down the hallway towards Sora's room. He'd crept quietly to Sora's bed and kiss the boy awake. And it'd be beautiful. It'd be perfect.

Riku pushed open the door as softly as he could, as if not to wait the slumbering brunet. However, Sora was indeed _not_ sleeping. In fact, the teen was curled up on his bed, back against the headboard. His eyes were puffy and his face a hot red. He wasn't crying at this moment, but the tissues around him and his condition proved that he _had_ been crying prior to this.

"Sora," Riku said, void of anything else to say. His breath caught in his throat and he froze, holding the door open. Had he ever seen Sora cry before? He didn't think so. Aquamarine eyes stared blankly at the brunet for a long moment.

Sora's head snapped up and his gaze filled with terror. Quickly, the brunet began pushing tissues under his covers in a flustered fit. A look of embarrassment and guilt appeared on his face as he began rubbing his face, trying to dispel the red pigments that had grown in his cheeks.

"Sora, why are you crying?" Riku asked, his voice a bit harsher than he had expected. He visibly winced in response and tried again. "Sora…what's wrong?" His voice was softer this time—kinder. And if one strained, drops of fear were present as well. Seeing the love of your life in shambles isn't something that settles well in anyone's stomach, no matter what their age.

When Sora refused to answer, Riku took the initiative and sat on Sora's bed. Sora, at first, was surprised by Riku's action. He slid as far left as he could until his side was pressed against the wall. Blue eyes glistened from the tears that had earlier inhabited them. Sora's mouth opened to speak, and then he did it; he looked into Riku's eyes. It had been days since Sora had seen Riku and now he was looking into those aquamarine eyes; those eyes…he couldn't lie to them.

But before Sora could speak, his body started to produce those tears that had only been halted a few minutes prior. They rode down his cheeks and landed on his lips. He licked the salty water away and finally spoke: "Riku, you're early." A small laugh came from Riku's lips, but was quickly silenced by Sora's next words: "…I messed up."

Riku shook his head. "There's nothing you could possibly do wrong." His arms embraced Sora for the first time since the unfortunate breakup. He didn't know if his gesture would be accepted by Sora, but he didn't care. His arms longed to hold the thin boy.

Sora had missed the touch. He missed being touched in general, but by Riku, he missed it the most. He longed for it as well. He briefly snuggled close to Riku's chest, until he remembered why he was crying in the first place. "I did something horrible," he said as he shook his head.

"I'm sure it isn't that bad." Riku had no idea. He soon would. Right now, he was thinking about how he would ask Sora back out; he was thinking about their future together.

Sora pulled out of Riku's arms and shivered. He already missed the touch. "No, you don't understand." Sora was stalling. He knew he had to tell Riku now. He knew that he couldn't keep lying. It had to stop somewhere. It was killing them both. "I…I have HIV."

Riku stared blankly at Sora for a long moment. His first initial feeling was denial. Sora couldn't have _that_. He _couldn't_. Sora was innocent and beautiful and _his_. He couldn't. Then, after a moment of utter silence, the next emotion to swarm into Riku's heart was a bit of anger. Why didn't Sora tell him earlier? Why did he lie? Why did this happen to _Sora_? The last three steps of grief, as they were more commonly referred to, did not happen yet. He just sat there in utter confusion. "No, you don't," he said in an unwavering, almost dead voice.

The brunet winced, shoulders hunching at the response. He could easily detect the threads of anger in Riku's voice. There were so many things he could be angry about. Weakly, Sora shifted farther away and groped for his dresser. He didn't even dare to look back at Riku as he struggled to find his diary. He couldn't bear to see the look on his face. The _disappointment_ and _hatred_ that Sora knew would surely be there if he spared a glance that way.

After a moment of fumbling about, Sora grabbed the journal and shifted back into a sitting position on the bed. His shaky fingers began sifting through the pages, looking for the one he had been staring at countless nights prior to his. His heart sank as he knew all the bad things that could arise by showing Riku the proof. His heart ached and his mind felt dizzy as he stopped at the page. Without really thinking, he ripped the taped results out and tossed them into his ex's lap in a pathetic fit of frustration.

Riku lazily stared down. His heart broke as his nimble fingers lifted the slip of paper upwards. He knew what was on it even without having to look. He just sat there for a few moments, his voice caught in his throat. "Who did this to you?" he deadpanned, eyes glued to the paper. He spoke so darkly that it was hard to detect just who he was enraged with.

Riku's words cut through Sora's being. He knew Riku would expect an answer. He wouldn't let the subject just drop. If the whole situation had been turned around and Riku had HIV, Sora would have wanted to know who the bastard was himself. But the problem was, Axel wasn't a bastard. It had been both of their faults. Sora took a deep breath in. He had to choose his words wisely so as to not make Axel lose his best friend.

Riku didn't approve of Sora's silence. He took his hand and touched the boys shoulder. The touch caused Sora took look into Riku's eyes making Riku's next statement cut through the thin boy's body: "Sora, I deserve to know."

"…It happened a few months before we dated," Sora began. He figured Riku would love to know Sora hadn't cheated on him. "I had that party when you were gone." Sora fidgeted. He didn't want to tell on Axel. He didn't want to tell at all. As he looked at Riku, who look hurt, confused and angry, Sora knew he had to. "Everyone was drunk but me. Axel didn't want to drive home…so he stayed over…and…"

"Wait…" Riku interjected. All the pieces were fitting together. Days earlier Axel had come to him with the news of his infection. He wanted to know how to tell Roxas. Axel seemed very determined to tell Roxas. "He was trying to not make the same mistake you made," Riku said mostly to himself.

The puzzle was completed.

"It was a mistake. I should have told you…" Sora's eyes closed. He couldn't look at Riku. "I should have told you everything…I just, couldn't. I didn't even tell Roxas. My own parents don't even know…I thought you wouldn't date me. I thought you would think I was dirty…." Sora was rambling and crying. He couldn't think straight. The one thing he wanted to say he had finally said.

Riku's emotions were running wild. He gritted his teeth as his mind raced. He wanted to stab Axel in the heart. He wanted the boy to pay. He wanted to slap Sora for being so stupid. He wanted Sora to have told him sooner.

Riku hadn't been looking at Sora while the brunet told his tale. He had been staring off into the distance wishing this moment were all a dream. As he turned and saw Sora's face, once again, covered in tears, Riku's rough edges started to crumble. His eyes began to swell and his breathing became broken. He choked back on his own breath as a single tear fell from his eyes and crashed on to the sheet below him.

Sora couldn't recall a time when he had ever seen Riku cry. Even during sports or when he was kicked, the other would just grit it and mutter a slew of curses. Crying was a rarity for the silveret. The brunet sat there, not sure whether to be alarmed or warned. Was Riku frustrated so badly that he was leaking hot tears? He fidgeted uneasily, praying with all his heart that he hadn't finally gotten to his confession too late. Blue eyes stared hopefully, and yet brokenly and fearfully, at Riku, watching the tear fall to his own sheets. It hurt like hell to know he _somehow_ caused that salty droplet.

Silence ripped through their hearts as all seemed to stand still. For this moment, there was no Axel, no Olette, no breakup, no HIV and no lies. It was simply two people that felt so damn strongly for one another, containing themselves in fear of rejection. The silence remained heavy in the air as Sora's snivels died down a bit, having become too weak to even cry anymore. Riku, on the other hand, remained trembling the slightest, teeth gritted tightly as if to keep himself from as well. It was awkward, sitting like that. So close but yet so damn far away.

Without warning, the silveret tugged Sora closer from across the bed. The brunet emitted a surprised, and strained, squeak as his body was pulled over. His thin frame—which was weaker than it usually was—landed across Riku's lap on impact. He scrambled up into a sitting position, sit-by-side next to Riku. Blue eyes stared worriedly at his friend. Was he going to hit him? Curse at him for being a whore? "Do you hate me?" Sora finally asked, the question having been floating about in his troubled mind for the past few moments.

"Sora…" The name was a choked noise and it took Riku a few moments to regain his composure. Once done, the taller teen stared Sora sternly in the eyes. Blue met green and then his lips met the brunet's forehead. Silence once again returned as Riku's lips lingered peacefully, _perfectly_, to the other's forehead. He inhaled through his nose and brushed his lips there a second time before leading them down to salt coated cheeks. "Sora, I could never hate you. Never."

"W-what are you…?" Sora stammered, a blush appearing on his already red, puffy cheeks.

Riku's lips worked their way over the brunet's cheeks until they were only millimeters from their intended destination. "Sora…I will always love you. No matter what happened and what you have done." He paused his words and pulled Sora closer to his body. "I'm in, if you are."

The words lingered in Sora's ear. They repeated as they twisted into his mind. Sora had broken their relationship because of a past mess up and now Riku wanted to bring them back together. He thought _he_ should have made the decision, but he didn't mind. All he wanted was for the past few days to disappear. "I'm in." Sora's words were soft but stern. He meant it.

Riku then closed the gap he had created earlier. It had been too long since he had felt the brunet's lips against his own. He lightly placed his lips on the other's. His body jolted from the touch he had so very much longed for.

Sora had longed for the kiss as well. So many nights spent crying and wishing Riku would take him back. And now, here he was, with Riku. Sora's weak body pushed to deepen the kiss. His lips pressed rather hard onto Riku's. The kiss grew into something else.

Riku was surprised at Sora's willingness to give in. He pushed his tongue between his boyfriend's lips as his hands groped Sora's back. They pushed up Sora's thin T-shirt. The smaller boy's body felt warm against Riku's hands. Riku's mind was immersed in the kiss, but soon after was brought back to earth.

The boy felt too warm.

Riku abruptly ended the kiss he so much wanted to continue. Sora face was covered in confusion. The brunet opened his mouth to speak but Riku shook his head. "As much as I would love to kiss you for hours, we have to get you to a doctor. Now"

Sora sighed, knowingly nodded his head. He wanted to forget his problems and just remain in Riku's arms for the remainder of the day. He wanted to kiss the other, to touch the other, to hold the other, but more importantly to love him. Blue eyes scanned over Riku's expression, taking note of the heavy anguish in his eyes. This breakup had taken a toll on the silveret and Sora was just glad that it was finally over—a part, anyway. With a sigh, Sora's mind danced back onto the reason why they had ended it to begin with. "Roxas told me he'd take me in a few hours. He's…getting me retested," he mumbled.

Riku paused, his fingers weaving through Sora's hair. He breathed through his nose and proceeded to bury it into his boyfriend's hair. "Good," he murmured, inhaling his familiar scent. God, he never wanted that to become foreign. _Ever_. "Call me the second you get the new results, k?"

"What if…what if they're bad, Riku?" Sora whispered, his voice strained and terrified.

"Sh," Riku urged, kissing the brunet's forehead. "I don't care what they are, okay? I want you to call me when you get them. I'd come with you guys but I have work. I'd skip but I can't afford to lose my job." He sighed. "Promise me you'll call me. Promise, Sora."

"Promise," Sora answered at last, leaning into his boyfriend's warm arms. "I'm so sorry, Riku. You really don't deserve this. Not at all…"

"Sora, I won't say that I understand, because I doubt I ever will, but I _can_ say I'm trying to understand. For you. I want to help you through this," he explained calmly, kissing Sora's cheek again to ease the brunet's nerves. It usually worked. He knew so much about Sora's habits that they often acted like an old married couple.

Sora's tense shoulders slackened and he inhaled through his stuffy nose. "No matter what they are, I want you to come over tonight, okay?... I don't want to be alone."

"No one could stop me from being here," he rose from the bed, pulling Sora up with him. "I get out of work at 4, but please call me as soon as you find out."

Sora nodded. "I looked online. It only takes like 20 minutes for the rapid test. I don't if I could wait for the long one…I figured if it comes out…_bad_, then I would do the longer test…"

Riku sighed. The morning he had hoped to be full of kisses and smiles was turning into worry. He knew he wouldn't be paying any attention as he sold instruments at Guitar Center. His eyes would be glued to his phone. "Just do whatever you can." He pulled Sora in and placed his chin on the brunet's head. "I love you, Sora."

Sora nuzzled his head against Riku's body. He knew that soon he beloved boyfriend would be gone and he would be alone. But he wouldn't be _alone_. He would no longer be alone. Ever. If Sora had it his way. "I love you, too." He had prolonged his words thinking that would keep Riku in his arms longer.

"I have to go…" Riku didn't want to leave, but he needed the money. College was closely approaching and so was his first tuition payment, although, if Sora were too…he was sure he would never make it to college. Riku shook his head, and tried to shake the thoughts of his love possibly being gone forever. "Text me."

"I will. I love you," Sora pushed himself up on the balls of his feet to kiss the taller.

"Love you, too." Riku pulled away slightly from Sora and looked into his eyes. "Listen, no matter what, you'll always have me."

Sora smiled. The first one he could remember in days. "Thank you. You're going to be late…."

Riku shrugged. "It was worth it." He brought Sora in for one last long, intense hug. "Goodbye, my love. I'm so glad to have you back."

Sora chuckled softly at the cliché elements of this moment. It seemed like something ripped out of a movie his mother would watch. Yet, it didn't damper his spirits. It just felt so right and perfect having Riku's arms tightly woven around him, refusing to let go. And now, knowing that Riku still loved him, Sora was even more at ease. He shyly buried his face against the taller's chest, inhaling his scent, refreshing his mind regarding everything about his boyfriend. He had missed him so much and this moment didn't even seem real. Although the gloomy, lingering test results were dangling in his future, nothing seemed to deterrent how jubilant Sora was feeling at this moment.

"Sora," Riku said with a deep laugh, ruffling his boyfriend's hair. "I'd love to stay and do this all day, like I've said, but I have to get to work. Those guitars won't sell themselves."

Reluctantly, Sora peeled his body away from Riku's warm and inviting arms. He yawned a bit, staring affectionately up at the taller. "Fine, fine. You can go. I'll see you later. I wouldn't want you to be late on account of me…again." He shot the other a teasing wink that leaked out his childish innocence.

Riku promptly rolled his eyes, shuffling his hands into his jacket pockets. "Remember, text me," he reiterated as he walked to Sora's door. He tossed a genuinely radiant smile back at the brunet before leaving the room, hoping to leave his boyfriend with a newfound sense of hope and security. He was hoping that his love would provide Sora with a blanket of refuge. No matter what happened, Riku would not leave him. He hoped that information eased the boy's restless mind.

Sora inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering shut. He stood there silently for a few moments in the middle of his bedroom, listening to Riku's parting footsteps. He vaguely heard Riku's car pull out of his driveway and depart, moments later. After standing motionlessly for what seemed like eternity, Sora turned his attention back to his phone. He called his brother, confirming their meeting spot outside the house. They'd go to the clinic together and get the proof. Brother and brother.

His stomach knotted as he left his room, leaving behind all his doubts and worries. After this, there would be no more what ifs. There would only be evident truths.

**xxxxxxxxx**

The walk was a long one. Well, not really. The clinic laid about two and a half miles from Sora's home. It was just the atmosphere that made the 30 minutes walk feel like a four-hour stroll. The two walked in silence. Roxas had met Sora two driveways down from the brunet's house. Roxas figured Sora had a lot on his mind. He figured Sora would talk when he wanted. He also figured anything he would say would not make the situation any better.

Sora wanted to tell Roxas about Riku. The brunet knew he would tell his brother soon, but right now, his mind was elsewhere. Even though Sora had the first test done over a year ago, he hoped the disease could just disappear. He hoped if he willed it hard enough, HIV would evaporate into the sunshine-filled December day.

Sora knew the likelihood of his first test being wrong was slim. He also knew that even if he had HIV, the chance of getting AIDS was still small. He looked up to the sky and wondered how God could make the sun shine on such a day—a day that would decide the rest of a young boy's life. Then he remembered; the sun was shining because he had his Riku back.

They had walked almost two miles in silence before Sora said something other than hello. "Riku came over this morning." Sora's gaze was at the ground. He had been kicking the same rock for a few minutes.

Roxas turned his head, surprised to hear his brother's voice. He had thought the boy would remain quiet for the rest of the trip. "Really? I thought he was coming over later."

Sora looked up and smiled. "He wanted to surprise me."

"Ohhh…" Roxas nodded. "So…did you…"

"Yeah, I did," Sora sighed. "I told him who. I told him when and how and everything. He deserved to know."

"How'd he react to it?" Roxas wondered, skipping over the whole cliché proud speech he was mentally voicing. He had his doubts that Sora would ever muster up the courage to tell Riku, but here he was, having already told him. And earlier than anticipated, too! It was quite the sight. Roxas was quite glad over the discovery.

"Well, at first I thought he was mad. But then I realized he was just as hurt and confused as I was. To make a long story short, we talked it over, discussed everything, made out like the deprived teenagers we truly are, and got back together." He beamed brightly at Roxas, a bit happier considering he was talking the entire thing over, out loud. God, it sounded so much more exciting and realistic when he said it.

"Well then, that's great," answered Roxas with a sharp nod. His sharp blue gaze wandered aimlessly around the outdoors they were traversing through. "I'm glad you guys talked it over. Told you Riku was mature enough to work through the problems."

"Yeah, yeah," mumbled Sora with a soft blush, finding it hard not to turn red from embarrassment. He had acted _so_ foolishly. "You're always right. Blah, blah, blah," teased the brunet in a shy voice, nonetheless.

"Precisely," Roxas answered with a self-indulgent grin. He mockingly smirked nonchalantly and tossed his head to the right, feigning an egocentric hair toss. The pair instantly broke into fit of laughter in result. It was turning out to be such a wonderful day. Sora's fears suddenly seemed so small compared to the world and everything that was going on.

"Wow," Sora said after a moment. He regained his composure, willing the giggles to go away after his brother's stunt. He cleared his throat and looked on, spotting the clinic in the distance. His fears returned, bearing their ugly heads once more. His stomach knotted and he gulped nervously. Seeing it made it all the more real. Damn it. This constant change of emotion was like a rollercoaster he could not get off willingly.

"Nervous?" Roxas murmured, noticing the change in his brother's demeanor.

"Dumb question," Sora muttered. His eyes squinted at the building, radiating off an unprecedented about amount of hatred toward the clinic.

"Yeah," Roxas said. They were now steps away from the entrance. Roxas stopped Sora and stood in front of him. He put a hand on his brother's shoulder and looked the boy square in the eye: "I want you to know that no matter what happens in the nexr couple of hours, I am still your brother and still love you. Nothing some man in a white coat can tell me will change how I think about you."

Sora wrapped his arms around his brother. He felt comfort in those arms. His brother had always been there. No matter what. Roxas was blunt, but caring. Sora knew that without Roxas, he would b on his bed, sick, alone and maybe even dying. "Thank you."

Roxas pulled away from his brother. A tear had formed in the corner of his eye. He wondered where the water had come from and wiped it aside. "Now, let's get in there and get this over with. Waiting out here is only going to drag things on."

The time had come for Sora to reach beyond his 17 years of age and become a man. He had to go in there and get tested, by himself. Sora knew Roxas couldn't go in the room with him; he was a parent or guardian. The brunet nodded and opened the door.

Inside smelled like Windex, spray disinfectant and slightly of death. Sure, Sora had never smelled death, but the looks on the patients waiting made Sora feel death. A few men and women sat in the room – more men than women. All sat with their heads hung low. A few were scribbling down addresses and insurance information while others tried to indulge themselves in People or US Weekly.

Sora began walking to the small window. He could feel Roxas' presence behind him. The lady in the window looked like she didn't belong in a free clinic. Her hair was placed on top of her head in a neat bun. Her eyes were highlighted with eyeliner and rose-colored eye shadow. She looked young. Probably a college student, Sora thought to himself.

The girl glanced up from behind the counter. Her fingers marked a spot on a magazine she was reading in the meantime. "May I help you?" she asked, tilting her head to the side curiously. She quickly closed the magazine and grabbed for a pen and what appeared to be a schedule of appointments.

"Sora Kayaki," he stated quietly, glancing at the girl with a frail smile. He honestly did not want to be here—he probably would have been in worst spirits if Riku had no come by earlier and asked him back out. Just having that knowledge, knowing that Riku loved him unconditionally, made this all a bit more bearable.

"Third door on the left," she instructed, offering a smile of her own. Her sympathetic eyes met Sora's and she went back to reading her magazine indiscreetly, glancing over her shoulder occasionally to check to see if anyone was looming behind her.

Sora gulped and nodded, despite the fact that the college girl was not walking. He glanced over his own shoulder, back to Roxas. "Wait out here," he told his brother, biting his bottom lip out of habit, "I won't be long, promise." He chuckled uneasily.

Slowly, Sora's gaze met Roxas' briefly. The blond nodded and hugged Sora quickly, but reassuringly. "You'll be fine," murmured the blond as he let go of his brother. His bright blue eyes searched Sora's face for a long moment. "No matter what, you still have Riku and me."

"Thanks," Sora whispered. With a second gulp, the brunet nervously moved towards the hallway.

The brunet counted the doors. Number three held his fate. His hand held the cool doorknob for a moment. He debated running. He already knew what the test would say. Why was he torturing himself like this? Finally, his hand turned the knob and his knees weakened.

While walking into the room and sitting on the doctor's table, Sora realized he was weak for two reasons. One: he hadn't eaten in a while. Two: he had HIV. The disease was probably running wild through his veins. He kicked his feet absentmindedly. He was remembering all the good times he had with Riku. Those memories would get him through the next half hour.

The door opened and in walked a middle-aged woman. She half smiled at Sora as she stuck out a hand. "I'm doctor Miller," she said while quickly looking down to her paperwork. "Says here you think you have HIV and have been tested before?" She looked up only to make sure Sora was nodding and then went on. "The process will only take a few minutes and you will have results in a half hour at the most. Now, first you need to..."

And that was all Sora heard. The next few minutes went by with Sora only going through the motions. He couldn't tell anyone what the test included. His mind was everywhere but there. The last he thing could remember was the doctor saying her name and now she was ushering him to the waiting room. Sora's eyes had glazed over. Had he really just done the test? He couldn't remember.

Roxas was the first to notice Sora's entrance back into the room. His distant blue eyes snapped up in alarm and watched as his brother took a seat beside him. The blond spoke his brother's name but received no response. His brow arched and he repeated the brunet's name but came up empty. After a moment Roxas deduced that the nerves had gotten the best of his brother and it was better to let him be while they waited.

After a moment of awkward silence between the two, Sora finally took the initiate to speak over the cruddy music dancing throughout the waiting room. "It's all a blur," he murmured apathetically.

Roxas had his guesses but decided to further pry. "What is?" he inquired and tilted his head to further inspect the boy's facial expression. He looked entirely out of it and pale. Drained of life and energy. He frowned. What would happen when Sora _did_ get the results? God, he didn't want to be around to see that.

"The test, the night with Axel, all of this," Sora whispered and lowered his head, brown bangs falling in front of his shattered eyes. "I've messed up so much and right now I feel like I'm just waiting for my punishment—my death sentence."

Roxas scoffed. "Sora, stop being so morbid," he stated firmly but sympathetically all at once. "So what if you do have it? You'll have to be careful about sex. Big deal. And so what if you don't? You got worried over nothing and now you can live your life. Either way, nothing will change."

Sora winced. "I'll have the label as a whore…"

"For having clumsy sex once?" Roxas snorted under his breath, voice low so that others in the cramped waiting room could not hear. "Sora, you're far from it. You just made one mistake. Don't condemn yourself for it, okay?"

Sora closed his eyes and nodded. He slouched down in the chair and tried to signal that he was done speaking. He didn't have anything else to say. He doubted he would ever have anything else to say. Even if he didn't have HIV, this whole situation had taken a toll on the brunet. He sighed and leaned forward to hold his head in his hands.

Roxas couldn't take his eyes off of Sora. He tried to think of something else to say. The silence was deafening. Sora looked dejected. He looked used. He looked broken. After a few moments of contemplation, Roxas placed his arm across Sora's shoulder. He figured his action would speak louder than words. He took a deep breath in and stared at an adjacent wall.

Sora turned his head and offered a bleak smile to his brother. It was all he could really do at the moment. He glanced up to the clock on the wall. Only a few more minutes and the nurse would be back with the dreaded piece of paper – the paper that would determine the rest of his life. He closed his eyes and listened to the comforting sounds of the waiting room, which turned out to not be comforting at all. Sora shook his head.

"Sora...," an unfamiliar female voice called from above him. "Your results are in."

Sora finally opened his eyes and peered up to the nurse. He could see her mouth open. Was she really going to announce his fate right here in front of everyone?

"I'll just take the letter and read it myself," Sora said quietly. He looked back up to the nurse's eyes. He could tell she was happy with the decision. The woman handed Sora an envelope and walked back down the hall.

"I'm going to just go outside for minute. I think I need to do this alone," Sora turned to his brother. His hands shook as he tried to hold the envelope.

"Just don't run off after you've read it, okay?" Roxas questioned as he shuffled his hands into his pockets and looked up to his brother. "Come back in here no matter what, promise?" he urged.

Sora offered a shaky nod and rubbed his thumb slowly along the back of the envelope. He tossed Roxas a nervous look as he headed outside. The warm air tickled his exposed skin as he jostled through a few people entering the clinic. Once fully outside, the brunet glanced about the quiet, serene area. Very few cars were rushing by on the street nearby and less people were bustling about. All was quiet for now.

Feeling as if he was going to be sick, Sora hastily walked over to the corner of the clinic building and sat down on the curb. His mind fogged a bit as he sat there, contemplating throwing the letter away. His blue eyes stared down at it with indecision as his stomach knotted with nerves. Never before would he have guessed that opening a letter would be the single most hardest thing he had ever done in his entire life—apart from breaking up with Riku.

With a deep, shaky breath Sora's trembling finger slid under the lip of the envelope and began tearing it open. His other hand found his cell phone and blindly punched in Riku's number. He didn't want to be alone when he opened it—when he found out the results. Sure he had said that he wanted to be alone to Roxas but, as he slowly removed the folded letter inside, he realized he had been wrong. He didn't want to endure the pain alone.

"Sora?" His name echoed into his head as the silveret answered his phone.

"Got…the results," the brunet stammered, nervously holding the folded letter in between his fingers, not wanting to open it and expose it to the quiet world around him.

Riku was silent for a moment. "And?..."

Concern. Concern was drenched in Riku's voice. "And…" Sora repeated and unfolded the letter dreadfully slow, his predetermined fate ready to rear its head at him in a cruel, black, twelve-point arial font.


End file.
